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[The day has been exhausting.
That's the real word here. Exhausting. Physically, sure, but emotionally? Unparalleled exhaustion. April, Splinter, and Casey got a van from somewhere that they all quietly piled into, the brothers half carrying Leo in, and the ride back is quiet. Leo's a fucking mess of bruises, some broken bones, busted up face, who knows what else under the shell. Not that anyone else is in stellar shape, but it's enough when April has to take a sharper turn than expected, Leo ends up shifting against Raphael's shoulder while they ride.
He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't make any motion to move away either. He's too tired, too much in the feeling of 'oh god everything hurts make it stop' to try consciously moving himself.
It isn't until April pulls to a stop at one of the larger entrances to the sewer that Leo starts forcing himself to move, pain shooting up his nerves like fire. But he keeps one hand clenched on one of his katana that Casey had returned, the other out... somewhere. He'll find it eventually once he has the strength to portal himself to it again.
But he stops to make sure the others are coming along.]
Almost home, guys. [Maybe if he hopes and crosses fingers, that didn't sound as bad to them as it did to his own ears.]
supersmashbro[The day has been exhausting.
That's the real word here. Exhausting. Physically, sure, but emotionally? Unparalleled exhaustion. April, Splinter, and Casey got a van from somewhere that they all quietly piled into, the brothers half carrying Leo in, and the ride back is quiet. Leo's a fucking mess of bruises, some broken bones, busted up face, who knows what else under the shell. Not that anyone else is in stellar shape, but it's enough when April has to take a sharper turn than expected, Leo ends up shifting against Raphael's shoulder while they ride.
He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't make any motion to move away either. He's too tired, too much in the feeling of 'oh god everything hurts make it stop' to try consciously moving himself.
It isn't until April pulls to a stop at one of the larger entrances to the sewer that Leo starts forcing himself to move, pain shooting up his nerves like fire. But he keeps one hand clenched on one of his katana that Casey had returned, the other out... somewhere. He'll find it eventually once he has the strength to portal himself to it again.
But he stops to make sure the others are coming along.]
Almost home, guys. [Maybe if he hopes and crosses fingers, that didn't sound as bad to them as it did to his own ears.]
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Raph never has seen much return on those wishes. But he guesses that not knowing what he's doing never stopped him from the doing part any other time. For his brothers, he'd dangle off the front of a train barely laying the tracks down in time for a million years.
Leo's silence makes the flip from guilt-inducing to "to be fair, he did give me a minute when I needed it" to a little worrying to regular worrying to just on the cusp of terrifying, and then he speaks up again.
Processing time isn't the kind of thing Leo usually needs. The content of the question, the low volume, makes the build-up make more sense. Private issue. Not for potential prying ears of brothers or sisters or dads or kids from the future who maybe heard Raph raise his voice and are trying to figure out if that's gonna escalate.
He pauses, because of course he does. This follow-up question, he's not sure he actually wants to answer. But he kinda brought it on himself. ]
You were scared. [ Quiet to match. Raph can do quiet. Deliberate pace, measured tone. Just another hard part to run at until it's over. ] You were glad we were safe. You wanted Pops. You thought I'd take care of everyone.
[ He would've, probably. Figured it out. There's not much of a budget for hope, pushing through to try to do that. To make sure that if he couldn't manage one of the things he's always worked for, if he couldn't keep all his brothers safe, he could at least not let Leo down after the fact.
There's not much budget for hope, when getting his hopes up before Mikey literally started ripping open the universe to get their brother back would make it impossible to scrape himself together a second time, if nothing happened.
So now he's the one who told Mikey to stop.
He'll always have to live with that. ]
You thought you were gonna die there.
[ Raphael doesn't expect that that one is much of a secret.
It isn't a wholly complete play-by-play, but it's a lot of the important ground covered. ]
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Okay.
That's... It's almost too personal. Hitting too close, but it's true, and it's right.
He really did think he was going to die. That was one of the last thoughts he had as he drifted, before he saw that gold light above him and his brothers reaching out. He wasso sure.
Leo lets out the breath, slow and controlled. Normally he's impulsive. Normally, Leonardo says the first thing that comes to mind, doesn't think twice about it. Thinking ahead, sure, plotting out conversation starters and branches as they go along. But this? ...No. It's too much, really. He never wants to talk about this again after they close this conversation.
Leonardo nods once. Starts sitting up, his breath catching with a hiss and he grips at his side that aches with a pain he can guess at.]
All right. That's - what I wanted to know. So. [Okay, okay sitting up straight is painful. He'll have to go get it wrapped up and lay down for a while.] So there's nothing else to say about it.
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Brother in motion. Raph trains a close watch on him, attention rerouting from the Captain Cuddles Experience, because of course he does.
Ribs. Not a huge surprise, considering... this whole situation. Could've rested up a little getting carried home but noooo, Raph, none of us should be walking anyway or whatever.
Raph isn't really mad. He's not sure he's even like, annoyed. He thinks maybe he's just sad and worried and guilty and it helps to go through some of the beats he might hit on a normal day. Everything there is to think about that's not what he doesn't wanna be left to think about is worth tacking on.
There's a lot to say about it. It's hard parsing what he'd be saying for his own sake versus what would actually do Leo some good, though, and that goes against the whole point of the saying. ]
Wrong. But like I said. I'm not gonna make you. [ Something to revisit down the line, depending. Dad'll have the best odds of making headway with Leo out of any of them, chances are.
But. Still.
Raph looks down and away again. Taps his fingers against the floor. ]
... Scale from one to ten. Honest answer. [ Very important. ] About how much hug do you think those ribs could take if I was really careful?
[ As if he'd be anything else. (Except for the part of the night where he was anything else, where he got used for the opposite of basically the whole point of him, and how it makes him want to tack I'll be careful onto things for a hundred years as pure self-reassurance.
Except for that part.)
You nailed it, Raph. You don't sound like you've been heroically restraining yourself from grabbing up everyone in the lair at once to curl around like a spiky dragon at all. Or like grabbing all those blankets was not partly a plot to build a direct pipeline to getting to do that. ]
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He wants everything and nothing. To not be looked at like he knows his brothers will look at him, but doesn't want to be alone. Wants the comfort of his own room, but with the blankets and tv and association of the living room. He can't have it all. He can barely have just this: the quiet moment with his older brother as they try to figure out what next?
Of course Raph is worried about that. Not simply because Leonardo is obviously hurt. Raph despite the anger issues is always gentle with the brothers. He would never deliberately hurt them.
(It wasn't him. It was an invader in their home, a virus in Raph's mind that Raphael fought against and ripped out like a rotten tooth. That was not him, and that is not who sits next to him now. Even if the slight bruising and aches across his neck are real, that Raphael wasn't.)]
Uh... Iunno, I'd say a four? Five if it's Mikey.
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Yeah, I'm gonna go with a two. [ Is there a truly kind way to say "we all look kinda bad right now but you personally look absolutely busted." Eh. No. Not for this occasion.
So he'll just try to be nice and safety-select appropriately on the hug scale to compensate. If a four's about what Leo can handle, why push to the limit anyway?
He'll just keep a close eye on the situation. Or, uh. Ear. Adjust as needed. ] Comin' at ya.
[ Achy post-adrenaline perks: truly helps this become one of the most telegraphed hugs Raph has ever initiated.
No need for Leo to meet him halfway on this one. He'll cover the travel costs and simply meet Leo where he's at. ]
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(But even he can't help that split second blink-and-you-miss-it moment his breath stops as Raphael leans in for the hug, the way his blood feels hot and freezing at once before it melts into something lukewarm tolerable again.)
He doesn't have to lean further or meet his brother half way, but since he has a gauge on how tight this hug is going to be, he gets one good arm around Raph's shoulder to give a weak, shaky squeeze. His voice is still quiet though.]
Good to have you back.
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If Leo didn't get that arm around his shoulder, Raph would've gone ahead and cut it short. Better safe than sorry, better to check if this is actually okay while he can try to suss out if Leo is being up-front about it.
As it stands, Leo hugs back. So as it stands, Raph is grateful. Relieved in the way that only ever comes with this, the sharp anxious edges that only ever dull with this-- when it's quiet, when he's got his family in his arms, in sight, in earshot, when everyone is safe and anything that wants to change that will have to go through him.
It smooths over some of the pressure locked up in his chest, that grief with no more purpose, nowhere to go. Vents it out in one sharp, shaky breath, half a soundless laugh. The other half only counts as a sob if he cries, which he is so good at not doing. ]
You too.
[ Fine pair of bozos they make, up on the sacrificial scoreboard. Raph is tempted to retread the never again, please never again ground, but he feels like Leo might be hearing that from other sources in the next couple of days. So maybe not now. Maybe he'll keep him safe from that too, for at least a couple more minutes. ]
We're here for each other. All of us. Always. Right? [ 'Live laugh love' wishes it had that kind of power. ] Whatever you need, we got you. I promise.
[ If he ever does wanna talk about what happened, or never wants to talk about it, or needs to retire from the ninja life and go be a barista or something, if he needs someone to tuck him in and check under his bed at night, if he never figures it out exactly and just needs them to help carry the weight. Anything.
Raph has the authority to make family-wide promises when they're really obvious easy ones like that. ]
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Yeah. Yeah, you know that goes for you too, right? You and that big beautiful shell of yours?
[Because Raphael went through as much as they did. While Leonardo had been angry in a way he's never felt before, while the others were trying to stay his hand and figure out a plan, Raphael was trapped and none of them really know what he was doing. And somehow this doesn't feel like the right time to hash that out. They need time to heal, time to recup, time to process. Maybe after that, Leonardo can properly talk about those few minutes that stretched through years alone. Maybe then Donatello can talk about being one with the ship, maybe Mikey can look at his hands and talk about how he was falling apart. And maybe then Raphael can talk about being taken over by the Krang for a day and a half.
That isn't right now, though. Right now is comforting, supporting. Existing together and resting. He'd do anything for his brothers, did do anything. Even as he's starting to slump against his big brother, the pain and exhaustion winning the fight over adrenaline.]
We'll figure out what we need. All right?
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[ Doesn't hurt to get that reminder right back, though.
Raph is committed to a lot of not thinking, right now. He thinks he's gonna stay committed to that for a while, push his focus outwards, the way that they all kinda tend to do. Let it... let it sit until the pieces of everything that happened aren't so stuck together. Until touching one doesn't mean slamming face-first back into all of it, all at once.
And then he can rotate those pieces, he can make sure the most jagged edges of whatever he might set down aren't outward-facing. There's a line between never saying anything about it, how much more it might hurt his family to not know anything and have to imagine, and what no one needs to know, what won't weigh too heavy on them for no good reason. Raphael's never been the smartest guy in the room, but he can map that line. Shuffle the load around.
Keep a shoulder freed up for his brothers.
(Maybe he's a hypocrite for that. He's definitely a hypocrite for that. But that's his business.)
They will get it figured out, though. They'll drag each other through it kicking and screaming if they have to. Later. Raph hums an agreement, low in his throat. ]
You wanna hit med bay?
[ Not to knock future boy's banger patch job or anything. ]
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His breath catches sharp before he processes what Raph asked. Swallows hard before he sits up.]
Yeah. Could use a second opinion, and wanna look at your eye.
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Raph gives Leo a premium noncommittal 'mm-hmm' like he's not fully intending to deflect from this eye-looking business. He is a model patient and a good example who would never do that, of course. ]
Alright, public transit. Crutch, carry, or koala?
[ There are many ways to utilize one's local Raph-shaped transport. After everything, he wants Leo especially to remember he's got those options. ]
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Still his little brother, no matter what.]
Crutch, let's not get too dramatic here.
[Says the brother almost stumbling over his own feet right now. The adrenaline is gone and leaving Leonardo to crash harder than he normally ever does. Usually this is when he gets a second (or third or fifth) wind. It just can't seem to find him tonight.]
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They're the smartest and dumbest and most annoying and most capable and most insane kids who have ever existed ever, but they're his little brothers. Sometimes they really do just seem so little. Baby mode.
Leo must be pretty out of it. ]
As if the drama would be comin' from me.
[ As if Leo tugging on his arm like he's seven years old and half-asleep after a nightmare hasn't left him grappling with the unhinged urge to like, sit on him or stack him on top of the fridge or something. For safekeeping.
There's drama in their DNA.
Raph gets to his feet nice and slow. Leaves it to Leo to decide how much he needs to lean on him while they shuffle along, because there's realistically no level where it'll make a notable difference to him. ]
We'll getcha back to hoggin' all the pillows in no time.
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It doesn't matter what happened to Leonardo right now. What matters is making sure everyone's getting what they need and then sleeping. Leonardo can handle his own mess... later. Break everything apart into bite sized, palatable chunks and then put it back together in the ways that make sense, that he can compartmentalize, and then be all right talking to everyone.
He simply cannot do that right this second.
Leonardo leans on Raph probably more than he realizes while they walk.]
Was always Donnie hogging 'em... [If he sounds like he's ready to pass out on his feet, maybe Raph won't say anything until they finish triage.] Anyway we'll get you back to watching JJ movies again soon.
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Not that Raph speaks up to defend him, either. Who is he to say, really, as a frequent member of the pillow population in use? He clearly hasn't got the perspective. ]
Please. I can watch J Ju in my sleep. I plan to watch some in my sleep. [ And possibly breaking something with his face, circumstances pending. A family can be their literal family, a sleepover pileup on the ground, and the low-volume comfort media of their choice. ] So not it if future kid needs any plot stuff explained.
[ How old even is Casey? Doesn't matter. He's shorter than Raph so he's a baby now. If he grew up around the family he's probably at least heard about Jupiter Jim, right? Bedtime stories or something? Kids should get space to be kids at least a little bit, even when the entire world sucks.
Ahh, med bay... their mutual favorite place to be ever. They are absolutely not vying for the honor of "worst patient in family" at any given time. ]
Let's get you sittin'. I'd say 'and comfy', but.
[ Back and forth little 'ehh' gesture with his free hand. Comfy is somewhere more down the road probably. ]
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Leonardo's so used to doing a lot of this himself, so much of it in fact. It's like autopilot kicks in wit ha shrug, already starting to dig out one of the larger med kits to dig through. It isn't until the pain in his cracked ribs sharpen to a knife plunged into his chest that Leonardo realizes maybe he should let someone else do this.
If he made any noise, he didn't hear it behind the pulsing in his hears and the agony he's trying to suppress. Maybe he didn't make any noise at all. But he isn't changing a glance at Raph to see.]
Think you better, uh. Come grab this.
1/2
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Actually, he can believe it. Deep down he has always known.
Raph puts himself on the scene to snatch that med kit up, per request. Not so much like a boss as perhaps like a mother hen. Those are basically the same thing. ]
Yeah, let's not get to med bay and accidentally puncture a lung, huh! [ KOWALSKI, X-RAY ANALYSIS ON THE RIBS-- oh, Donnie's busy, right. For what it's worth, it comes out sounding less mad than it could have. ] If I had hair, I swear the three of you woulda turned it grey by now.
[ He would be absolutely wizened. ]
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Wouldn't puncture a lung, Raph. And come on, you'd look great with gray hair. You'd rock it.
[Stalling can only last for so long. Eventually, Leo will have to stand up, move, and face the facts. He is... very messed up with what happened and his injuries.
But okay. All right. He uses the counter to pull himself back up, slowly and keeping his other hand still wrapped around his middle.]
See? Totally fine.
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Raph hopes that his temporary judgmental silence is deafening. ]
Yeah. Totally.
[ Little snot. He sets the kit down like a Professional. ]
Tell ya what, Leo. If you take it easy and let big brother fuss over you a little bit after a bad day [ because Raph has maybe never wanted to fuss over one of his brothers so badly in his life aka be extra sure he is as comfortable as possible and not dying ], I'll promise not to complain when it's your turn to fuss. Model patient. Cross my heart.
[ If they're both gonna fuss anyway, maybe they can simply agree to stop swimming against the current and get through it easier. ]
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No.
But. Also not making his brothers worry is a consideration to have as well, one he takes seriously as he does Jupiter Jim movies. And they've all already gone through so much, Raph most of all. He should take it easy for his brother's sake. Even if the space between his own eyebrows feels sore.]
Fine. For you, right now? Sure.
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If right now is all that buys me, I'll take it. [ Raph's always been more of an in-the-moment guy. Suits him fine.
He starts setting up to do... Basic Triage Things. I don't pretend I have the brain capacity to google and retain those things right now but look at him go he sure is doing it. ]
Who ever signed off on you guys gettin' worse than some bumps and bruises, anyway?
[ Things big brothers could very easily fix with band-aids and headpats.
Krang zombie him signed off when he literally almost murdered Leo, he guesses. But Mind Raph is gonna fend that entire train of thought off for a while while physical Raph is working. ]
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Pretty sure Dad did when he started training us. [Had Pops ever really thought they'd go this far? That they'd be doing things like this, saving the world (and universe?) from alien invaders? There's no way he could've known all those years ago.]
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Reality is more complicated than my brother doesn't feel safe with me and I don't blame him, but select portions of Raph's brain are very good at not taking things he Factually Knows into account.
He wants scraped out of his skin. He wants to not be in the body that got used for this. He wants to skip to the part where he feels like it's really his again. He wants to apologize to everyone until his voice stops working, so much that holding it back makes his throat ache.
He gently, methodically keeps working instead. Apologies later. Everyone's got enough to handle without him clearing the metaphorical table to sit on it instead. ]
Kinda thought the point of training was so we wouldn't get hurt. [ A little less go out and get wounded, definitely not be ready for Hamato sacrificial tradition. A little more "humans caught onto us outside the corner store but we got away clean."
Crime-fighting was kinda Raph's pet project, wasn't it. "Hero work." (It doesn't come with the triumphant little thrill it did yesterday.) ] I guess we never asked him, though? So he probably thought we already knew what he thought.
[ Pops can be funny like that, sometimes. If stuff seems obvious where he's standing, he'll go on ahead and figure everyone must be on the same page about how obvious it is. He's way better about it than he used to be.
Still, Raph guesses assuming is a whole-family trait. ]
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[Pops did have a way of doing that, just... assuming without telling. It's something Leo's starting to learn about himself, and just how much he takes after their dad in a lot of ways. Just like how he's pretty mentally insistent on not letting his big brother know how anxious he is by not just him, but anything being around his neck right now. He's afraid to even try and see how cracked his shell is.
Some later date, some time in the future when this is something they can look back on and gloat about, make a few jokes of, he'll talk about how hard his shell was that it cracked literal space metal.
Now does not feel like the right time.]
Guess New York rebuilding itself will give us a break from the crime fighting too.
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