neonleon | Snek IC contact

This has literally come up ONCE before because you kept it to yourself, and of course I got upset. Are you saying you would have been calm in my place?

[How many times have they talked about Leo being dead, of Donnie being so dead set being the one to fix it? Enough times that they're talking past each other now.

It isn't worth it. He wants to just ... not.]

I don't know, to be honest. Wouldn't know unless it happened.

[It had been a different context. Not knowing Leo thought he was an alternate. Of course he had to dismiss it under the premise of being the same timeline.]

Judging by past reactions, you would not have been rational. [Namely when they lost Raph. Or Gram-Gram.]

I just....

[He sits up. Lifts up his legs and wraps his arms around them.]

I don't understand why you're shutting me out. Portals are doable, we know that. Your idea works for you, but we need to find others and I have ideas. I don't-

I get why most anyone else doesn't want to work with me, but you-

You know how I am. [His voice is quieter, staring out at the city]

Has my work really been that disappointing?

Am I really so...unbearable to rely on?

Did I say either of those things?

No, I did not. I said to trust me.

I do trust you, but it feels like you don't trust me.

[He presses his face to his knees.]

It hasn't felt like you have in a very long time.

[He wants to just let it go, say it's not his problem. Because it's not. He trusts Donnie, but Donnie doesn't trust him to have his own situation handled. Every conversation has been Leo beating his head against the brick wall that is Donnie's stubbornness to make Leo's situation about him somehow, like Leo has no agency in any part of it.

But looking at his brother right now.... Not the time. Instead, he reaches an arm to drape over Don's shoulders, easy to shrug off but there if he wants the comfort.]

This place keeps messing with us.

[He doesn't lean in]

[But he doesn't pull away either]

This place. The circumstances people left. There are so many here with bad circumstances and they keep telling me when they won't even hope for better.

I'm so tired of being the one who hopes.

Of being the optimistic one.

You guys are the ones who are supposed to do that and I come up with the way to make your ideas work. Raph needs information. I hack the cameras. Mikey wants to haggle, I play bad cop. You want me to move the ship, I move the stinking ship.

But now you...you act like me doing what I always do is me distrusting you and I...

How am I supposed to take that?

[He was trying to steer the conversation away, make it easier. Leo sighs through his nose in a heavy breath.]

What you've been doing is taking charge of everyone's situations and acting like you're the only one who can do anything.

I have a plan for myself now. You don't have to worry about that. If you wanna help everyone else we know, then I'll help with that, but I don't have the know how for interdimensional travel and all that.

Did everyone else who tells you this stuff ask for your help? I'm asking because I genuinely don't know and I can't answer your question without knowing.

I don't want to be the only one who can do everything! [That's a shout, and a voice crack.]

But everyone....everyone just acts like they're beyond saving.

Like the literal multiverse being an option changes nothing. It's clear they don't want things to be the way they are, but they refuse to let themselves hope. They just give up on themselves.

We can't beat the snake, we can't escape, I'm not worth caring about, I'm dead I'm dead I'm dead-

[He curls up tighter.]

You were the third dead person. Out of four now.

Hunter and Choco have been the only ones to dare to hope, to even entertain finding a solution.

Everyone else was like you.

...But did they ask you to help.

Most of them wouldn't ask for help if they were bleeding from a gaping chest wound.

Edited 2023-06-11 08:46 (UTC)

So the answer is no.

I don't think most of them would know how.

They're also not you.

And you probably didn't ask if they wanted your help. Dee- Just.

We're all here. You don't have to take responsibility for everything, so don't. Let some of it go, especially if they haven't asked you to help them.

[He can't help but think about the options there. How many others would make the situation worse if they went back alive? What if what they're going back to is worse, what if they already have their own plans that they haven't told Donnie because it's personal? It could be so many other things and Donnie keeps hammering on it.

He takes a deep breath and focuses, the Manhattan night-scape around them fading and leaving them sitting on the floor of his bedroom again.]

I am not taking responsibility for everything and I'm not asking about them, I'm asking about you.

You-

[He clicks, gripping at the back of his head, curling up more.]

I was never....

Never afraid to just say things to you before.

[He doesn't want to fight or argue or debate this anymore. He doesn't want it. Leo plops down next to Donnie but doesn't physically engage just yet. Letting him have his moment to himself.]

...You don't have to be. I just- Don't want you to have to worry when there's the start of a plan there, and I've got a couple contingencies depending on what I find there. Could be you, or you from a different timeline, or just you from some other version altogether, I dunno. I just.

Only so many variables I can work out, but I did account for some version of you being there to help the rest of the way.

[There is a delay, him just curled up.]

[But]

[A small breath, a slight easing of tension.]

So you were accounting for one of us not being there. That- [In reality, he didn't bring up others for their sake. The concern was Leo, but saying that had brought up the dread he keeps feeling.]

If your goal is to make me not worry, then it simply will not happen. It has nothing to do with my trust in you, and everything to do with I love you, and I worry about all of you constantly. I didn't make our security systems just for fun or Raph's anxiety.

But.

[He peaks out from his arms.] My plans are not without flaws. No one makes a flawless plan. But everytime my plans have failed, one of you was able to make up for my failure. All of you have always been my safety net.

And that's all I want to be. A safety net. If my plans are unnecessary, then great. But if they are...I want you to have them.

[He didn't say Donnie's plans are unnecessarryyyyyyyyyyy no he just. sighs and flops down next to him again.]

...Your plans?

...like I said, the portal itself has plentiful options. The hard part is connecting the right locations.

I'm working on trying to make a mystic tracker. That seems the most viable and doable.

If I can make a portable mystic signal, then it's possible that that could be tracked. Especially if I could 'share' that signal with others. I have a few ideas for the creation from crystals to expanding the ability to create objects, like our weapons or my battleshell.

And...if you hadn't thought of it. You're already geared for 'finding addresses,' as it were. So if you could portal to people, regardless of knowing their location, then it would be as simple as connecting you to the power of those inter dimensional options. I don't know how hard that is, but if anyone could figure it out, I believe you could. Especially to find us.

I mean.....

[He looks at his swords propped up against the wall by his bed.]

Got a couple mystic trackers right there, don't I?

[He looks over at the swords.]

Oh my god, you're right.

[There is a dramatic groan as he uncurls and flops back on the ground in a sprawl, hands over his face.]

Aaaaaah, I can't believe I didn't think of that weeks ago. That's why we have swords at Egg! [Assuming Raph also has a word in his room.]

Edited 2023-06-19 12:04 (UTC)

I'm not one for I told you so, but I did tell you so.

[He's relaxed now though, just pats the back of his brother's head and leaves it at that.]

Uuuuugh...

[His arms flop down above his head, looking embarrassed but also...less tense than he had been. A little more relieved.]

...I mean....this is what I wanted.

I just did not expect it so embarrassingly fast.

Well, there you go.

I've been trying to learn how to portal myself without them, but they're still useful for this.

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

1/2

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93

Re: Day 93