[ A family can be two brothers who are already family committing to violent extremes together. Fact: everything immediately feels a little bit better when hugging.
Raph probably shouldn't register that emotional equivalent of "likewise, it would be on sight and without mercy" and mostly think that's sweet, and yet. ]
I was due. [ There are many timeline branches of even this conversation where he super didn't, probably. Raph doesn't mind being in the one where he could. ] Thanks for tellin' me.
[ He still needs to figure out how to say some things. Or where to start? Apologies, mostly, for not listening, not explaining better, for scaring him. Trying to figure the way to explain he doesn't blame him so he'll understand Raph means it. The selfish curl of relief and gratitude that came from seeing Leo was trying to go back for him from about the second his feet hit the ground.
He doesn't regret getting him out, kinda has to acknowledge that it wasn't a good idea as the resident turtle who got his little brother thrown off a roof one time (for starters), but. It's still nice.
Some tiny, persistent part of him always tells him no one else is coming, when it's just him who needs it. He doesn't know how to get rid of that. At least the rest of him understands that they always were.
Words hard, though. And there's time. He'll get his brain wrapped around it eventually. ]
Wasn't really sure how to for a while there at the start when you got here because of Belos and that whole thing, and then it was awkward how long you were here without me telling you and-
You get it. [He knows his brother gets it. They've been on more or less a similar wave length for years now, except the times they aren't. But he feels all of that, accepts it. Opens his emotional arms up to hug those feelings as tight as he's hugging Raph in the mind-scape and physically in his room.
The whole area feels more comfortable, less ominous. Truly the best place for a trust fall between them.]
Seriously, it's- I've got a plan with some contingencies thought out. It'll be fine.
[ He likes it better when he can say that and really mean it. They always do a lot better when they're on track. ]
You ever need our help with that, let us know. [ He'll learn to simply punch a hole in dimensions if he has to. ] 'cause I'm gonna worry anyway, but it's not personal.
I mean, it's personal 'cause I'm gonna be worried, but uh.
[ ?????? ]
I'm not doin' it... at you? It's just what my brain's gonna do.
[ There, nailed it, it's fine, Leo's a good translator he'll figure it out.
Still, there's definitely a bleeding off of tension, an easing up of the vice-like grip that that complicated grief-horror-despair had around his chest. The preexisting touch of aimless anxiety he'd had about Leo's whole situation feels lighter.
It does feel like that's at least one thing off the plate. On a smaller adjacent plate. ]
[And he does understand. It's the same way he worries about all of them even when he knows they've probably got things handled. It's just how family is. But there's relief there as well; knowing that even if he has thought everything through with backups and contingencies, they still have his back if things don't work. It means a lot.
Leo lets out a slow exhale, taking in the feeling of the mental-scape water behind them. A huge weight off his shoulders having finally talked this out with Raph. It had been so much to keep to himself.]
You're good with everything else though? Like - snake cult, we're definitely killing that snake and making some jackets or boots or something out of it, but besides that I mean.
[ Oh good, Leo remembers that killing the snake is very important and necessary.
Raph has to debate where saving Leo's life, very very technically speaking, will put cultists and snake gods on the personal mercy charts. That has plenty of time to cook, though.
(And he's not Mikey. He's not much good for choosing to put mercy and forgiveness up like they're weapons of their own. So if he's honest, the outlook isn't stellar.) ]
I think so. [ Getting the big stuff answered folded a lot in under that umbrella. Lots of things that make a lot more sense in hindsight.
A few months back, back home, if he'd been tuned in enough to connect those anti-being-leader dots for what they were, he probably would've gotten mad. And it's rare that he ever actually wants to be mad, so he's mostly relieved that his brain waited it out. The rest so far is more emotionally complicated, but.
He doesn't think he's bad with anything so far. Apart from whatever window of time it was where Leo was apparently fully dead, which is like the heart and brain version of hot coals for him.
So it's nice to be able to just take a minute before adding the next big thing to the docket. Even themselves back out. Enjoy a nice hug. That's a hit across the board. ]
I want you guys safe 'n happy. Those're always my top dog Mad Dogs priorities.
[And he means that. His love and want to keep them safe comes through loud and clear. It's what he realized there at the end about being a leader. He's always worried about them, always tried to nudge them in right directions of common sense where they couldn't see the possible bad outcomes, tried to keep them on task if he could. He goofs as much as the rest, but rarely ever to the point of not caring entirely.
He shifts, stretching his legs out and arms over his head feeling the water rushing behind him and through his fingertips.]
Probably should ask you for some team building tips or something sometime. [He loves his family, he still doesn't know if he's alive or not, but he loves Snails too. He wants them to get better and be a little more cohesive. Just enough. But then again would they still be Snail if they went too far into team cohesiveness? Probably not. Their independence and ability to pull together when it counts has been great and he has a lot of respect for them like that.]
[ Raph believes that much easy. The heart of it, where the priorities land when things are real. He'd be lying if he said he always noticed Leo doing it or got how he went at things.
He guesses that means he knows from both ends how much general herding either gets taken for granted or ignored outright. Leo always loving them and wanting them safe, at least, that's that's never been in question. A lot of his fear and growing frustration came from him not getting Leo's angle.
A wave of gratitude, sheepishness, a little apology. He had a hard time dialing back down, after Shredder. Even with all the good stuff that came out of it. Even though it would've helped everything if he had. He's been trying to get better at that.
Snail's lucky to have his little brother on deck, in any case.
He snorts, flicking some water Leo's way. ]
Yeah, once I get my phone from home you can copy off my notes. [ Yes he has phone notes for days. How many are comprehensible to anyone that's not late-night Raph remains to be seen. ] When in doubt, just throw around some experimental adhesives.
[ Local turtle still not aware that his brothers re-engaged baller mode that mission solely to humor him after his moment of vulnerability. Leo... u were a real one for that. ]
Okay, I'm gonna say 'no' to the experimental adhesives because we don't have a wya to undo that here, but - You had notes?
[He sounds absolutely delighted by that. Of course his big brother had notes. It makes sense after all the charts and calendar schedules for training.]
If you got 'em I'll look at 'em when we get your phone. [He's hesitant for Raph and Don to get any more of their home things here. Too much like them settling in this place like Leo started to.] If Snail wins another token, I'll grab it for you.
[ Boo thinking ahead to the fact that there would be no way to undo the teamwork ball, boooooo. ]
'course I had notes. Was I supposed to read stuff and remember it? [ Like some kind of NERD? Absolutely not. ] You don't gotta go outta your way, alright? Half of it's probably stuff you figured out already.
[ Raph is starting to feel like, perhaps, Leo theoretically already knows or figured out plenty of stuff and just never felt like he needed to say it. Or did say it but Raph was busy basing plans off of children's books he never finished or what have you.
And some of it's leadership stuff that he's not sure if it would gel with Leo's style if Leo wanted leader notes? Raph... doesn't know a ton about Leo's style when he's really trying for it. Looking back. But he doesn't think there'd be all that much good in teams picking leaders here anyway. There's no knowing who'll even end up in a game to start with, never mind what the scenario is gonna need. General bonding and teambuilding is a bigger deal, in his humble onion.
Egg still needs to work on that. They do fine when they all need to work together during crunchtime, at least. ]
Psh, it's not going out of my way. I already got everything I want from home, so better it gets some use for you guys.
[If he were being honest? Leo is thrilled to not be leader of Snail. That they not only all agreed to not do that, but Gojo telling him if push came to shove, they would never force that on him. Maybe it's a little juvenile being relieved to not have that responsibility... but he's seen what happens. Even if he was acting up on purpose, it still got ahead of him in the worst possible ways.]
[ Raph very maturely blows a raspberry about Leo being super nice and considerate. Which is probably undercut by the sincere gratitude that's coming through the ninpo, but he can't let that stop him. Big brother rights.
Now the what else. That is the question. Raph knows the answer because it's "other thing he said he wanted to show Leo" and "Leo said he had a thing to share but it's a good one."
A little uncertainty. It settles in the absent way that someone might notice they were bouncing their leg and then stop doing it. ]
My second thing's kinda a downer. So maybe we do that one first and then hit your, uh. Non-bad surprise?
[He won't bring attention to that, instead just soothing it with his own. It's calm. They're fine. Whatever Raph has to show him? Must be important but he knows it'll be all right. Leo smiles at him, encouraging in that way he has and also Very Knowing.
It's the perfect 'wanna punch little brother's shoulder' combo Leo is so good at.]
Oh, it'll be great. You'll love it. After uh. The other thing.
[ Leo is the guy ever... he's never done anything wrong ever in his life, until some future point where Raph is annoyed at him and decides he's committed every crime ever like a menace. Brother stuff.
It helps, though. Leo being Leo about stuff. He's probably the best out of all of them at making weird stuff feel less weird? Like being a baseline. Raph's no good at words, he wouldn't know how to explain what that even means if he tried.
It'll be all right. It's not like this is a world-ender or anything. Or technically even fresh news. It just--
Kinda feels bad to sit on. And it's in the rare intersection of stuff Donnie saw because of dumb memory shenanigans and stuff that Raph doesn't plan to simply actively keep Leo from knowing about forever. So. ]
Right. I can get behind some incentive.
[ This is all a brain heart space... setup. Thing. Right? Dreamscape thing. So he can probably just kinda.
Raph leans over a little, sticks his hand into the water. Tries to harness some very Grounded Energy until some of the surface area goes still, smooths out. (It takes a minute.)
He doesn't want a whole setting change, a whole relive-the-moment. Showing is fine.
[Oooh movie theater, all right. Using the space for their own needs! Leo smiles proudly at Raph for getting that and leans in to watch.
And the smile slowly fades. That's... He wasn't there for that. They were fighting Big Lou Jitsu at the time and missed this entirely....
Dad.
It's obvious when the connection hits. Not just the clear throughline of what he's watching, but also what it meant, what dad must have been feeling watching Leo do... exactly the same thing. Apologies, however sincere, feel empty in the face of watching his father sob like that. It explains a lot in a way Raph simply telling him wouldn't have gotten across.
Leo watches the water clear again when the memory fades before looking up at Raph.]
[ He's glad Leo gets it right off. That it clicks, and he doesn't have to try to scrape around for good enough words, only to end up frustrating himself when he can't find them.
Not that Raph wouldn't have brute forced the trying anyway, but.
Sometimes it really does just help to have a little brother be the exact kind of smart to know what the point was. ]
It stinks to know. [ It's not a disagreement. These sentiments aren't mutually exclusive, after all. He crosses his arms. Only because he's cool and not because he has any complicated muddled emotions. Raph doesn't really-- he doesn't want Leo or Donnie to have his weird issue, his dumb hard time separating Pop from this when they think about him, but. ] But yeah. I think it maybe helps. Or might help later? Somethin'.
[ See, he's already not good at the wording of it.
There's an impulse, an urge to say take it easy on him, when you check in with your OG timeline. Raph doesn't say it. Leo's probably the last person he'd actually worry about being too hard on their dad when it counts. ]
[It's good Raph doesn't say it. Leo manages to keep his feelings on that closed off; no point reminding him there's a chance he won't check in with his OG timeline. Or maybe not. Who knows, he's just going to go with his plan and figure it out from there.
He rubs at the back of his neck just sliding all this information into place with what he knows about their dad and his history. And a lot of things make way, way more sense now.]
I think it helps, yeah. Good to know all the pieces. ...Thanks for telling me. Showing. Whtever.
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Re: Day ~90 probably
Raph probably shouldn't register that emotional equivalent of "likewise, it would be on sight and without mercy" and mostly think that's sweet, and yet. ]
I was due. [ There are many timeline branches of even this conversation where he super didn't, probably. Raph doesn't mind being in the one where he could. ] Thanks for tellin' me.
[ He still needs to figure out how to say some things. Or where to start? Apologies, mostly, for not listening, not explaining better, for scaring him. Trying to figure the way to explain he doesn't blame him so he'll understand Raph means it. The selfish curl of relief and gratitude that came from seeing Leo was trying to go back for him from about the second his feet hit the ground.
He doesn't regret getting him out, kinda has to acknowledge that it wasn't a good idea as the resident turtle who got his little brother thrown off a roof one time (for starters), but. It's still nice.
Some tiny, persistent part of him always tells him no one else is coming, when it's just him who needs it. He doesn't know how to get rid of that. At least the rest of him understands that they always were.
Words hard, though. And there's time. He'll get his brain wrapped around it eventually. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
You get it. [He knows his brother gets it. They've been on more or less a similar wave length for years now, except the times they aren't. But he feels all of that, accepts it. Opens his emotional arms up to hug those feelings as tight as he's hugging Raph in the mind-scape and physically in his room.
The whole area feels more comfortable, less ominous. Truly the best place for a trust fall between them.]
Seriously, it's- I've got a plan with some contingencies thought out. It'll be fine.
Re: Day ~90 probably
[ He likes it better when he can say that and really mean it. They always do a lot better when they're on track. ]
You ever need our help with that, let us know. [ He'll learn to simply punch a hole in dimensions if he has to. ] 'cause I'm gonna worry anyway, but it's not personal.
I mean, it's personal 'cause I'm gonna be worried, but uh.
[ ?????? ]
I'm not doin' it... at you? It's just what my brain's gonna do.
[ There, nailed it, it's fine, Leo's a good translator he'll figure it out.
Still, there's definitely a bleeding off of tension, an easing up of the vice-like grip that that complicated grief-horror-despair had around his chest. The preexisting touch of aimless anxiety he'd had about Leo's whole situation feels lighter.
It does feel like that's at least one thing off the plate. On a smaller adjacent plate. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
[And he does understand. It's the same way he worries about all of them even when he knows they've probably got things handled. It's just how family is. But there's relief there as well; knowing that even if he has thought everything through with backups and contingencies, they still have his back if things don't work. It means a lot.
Leo lets out a slow exhale, taking in the feeling of the mental-scape water behind them. A huge weight off his shoulders having finally talked this out with Raph. It had been so much to keep to himself.]
You're good with everything else though? Like - snake cult, we're definitely killing that snake and making some jackets or boots or something out of it, but besides that I mean.
Re: Day ~90 probably
Raph has to debate where saving Leo's life, very very technically speaking, will put cultists and snake gods on the personal mercy charts. That has plenty of time to cook, though.
(And he's not Mikey. He's not much good for choosing to put mercy and forgiveness up like they're weapons of their own. So if he's honest, the outlook isn't stellar.) ]
I think so. [ Getting the big stuff answered folded a lot in under that umbrella. Lots of things that make a lot more sense in hindsight.
A few months back, back home, if he'd been tuned in enough to connect those anti-being-leader dots for what they were, he probably would've gotten mad. And it's rare that he ever actually wants to be mad, so he's mostly relieved that his brain waited it out. The rest so far is more emotionally complicated, but.
He doesn't think he's bad with anything so far. Apart from whatever window of time it was where Leo was apparently fully dead, which is like the heart and brain version of hot coals for him.
So it's nice to be able to just take a minute before adding the next big thing to the docket. Even themselves back out. Enjoy a nice hug. That's a hit across the board. ]
I want you guys safe 'n happy. Those're always my top dog Mad Dogs priorities.
Re: Day ~90 probably
[And he means that. His love and want to keep them safe comes through loud and clear. It's what he realized there at the end about being a leader. He's always worried about them, always tried to nudge them in right directions of common sense where they couldn't see the possible bad outcomes, tried to keep them on task if he could. He goofs as much as the rest, but rarely ever to the point of not caring entirely.
He shifts, stretching his legs out and arms over his head feeling the water rushing behind him and through his fingertips.]
Probably should ask you for some team building tips or something sometime. [He loves his family, he still doesn't know if he's alive or not, but he loves Snails too. He wants them to get better and be a little more cohesive. Just enough. But then again would they still be Snail if they went too far into team cohesiveness? Probably not. Their independence and ability to pull together when it counts has been great and he has a lot of respect for them like that.]
Re: Day ~90 probably
He guesses that means he knows from both ends how much general herding either gets taken for granted or ignored outright. Leo always loving them and wanting them safe, at least, that's that's never been in question. A lot of his fear and growing frustration came from him not getting Leo's angle.
A wave of gratitude, sheepishness, a little apology. He had a hard time dialing back down, after Shredder. Even with all the good stuff that came out of it. Even though it would've helped everything if he had. He's been trying to get better at that.
Snail's lucky to have his little brother on deck, in any case.
He snorts, flicking some water Leo's way. ]
Yeah, once I get my phone from home you can copy off my notes. [ Yes he has phone notes for days. How many are comprehensible to anyone that's not late-night Raph remains to be seen. ] When in doubt, just throw around some experimental adhesives.
[ Local turtle still not aware that his brothers re-engaged baller mode that mission solely to humor him after his moment of vulnerability. Leo... u were a real one for that. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
[He sounds absolutely delighted by that. Of course his big brother had notes. It makes sense after all the charts and calendar schedules for training.]
If you got 'em I'll look at 'em when we get your phone. [He's hesitant for Raph and Don to get any more of their home things here. Too much like them settling in this place like Leo started to.] If Snail wins another token, I'll grab it for you.
Re: Day ~90 probably
'course I had notes. Was I supposed to read stuff and remember it? [ Like some kind of NERD? Absolutely not. ] You don't gotta go outta your way, alright? Half of it's probably stuff you figured out already.
[ Raph is starting to feel like, perhaps, Leo theoretically already knows or figured out plenty of stuff and just never felt like he needed to say it. Or did say it but Raph was busy basing plans off of children's books he never finished or what have you.
And some of it's leadership stuff that he's not sure if it would gel with Leo's style if Leo wanted leader notes? Raph... doesn't know a ton about Leo's style when he's really trying for it. Looking back. But he doesn't think there'd be all that much good in teams picking leaders here anyway. There's no knowing who'll even end up in a game to start with, never mind what the scenario is gonna need. General bonding and teambuilding is a bigger deal, in his humble onion.
Egg still needs to work on that. They do fine when they all need to work together during crunchtime, at least. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
[If he were being honest? Leo is thrilled to not be leader of Snail. That they not only all agreed to not do that, but Gojo telling him if push came to shove, they would never force that on him. Maybe it's a little juvenile being relieved to not have that responsibility... but he's seen what happens. Even if he was acting up on purpose, it still got ahead of him in the worst possible ways.]
What else've we got here?
Re: Day ~90 probably
Now the what else. That is the question. Raph knows the answer because it's "other thing he said he wanted to show Leo" and "Leo said he had a thing to share but it's a good one."
A little uncertainty. It settles in the absent way that someone might notice they were bouncing their leg and then stop doing it. ]
My second thing's kinda a downer. So maybe we do that one first and then hit your, uh. Non-bad surprise?
Re: Day ~90 probably
[He won't bring attention to that, instead just soothing it with his own. It's calm. They're fine. Whatever Raph has to show him? Must be important but he knows it'll be all right. Leo smiles at him, encouraging in that way he has and also Very Knowing.
It's the perfect 'wanna punch little brother's shoulder' combo Leo is so good at.]
Oh, it'll be great. You'll love it. After uh. The other thing.
Re: Day ~90 probably
It helps, though. Leo being Leo about stuff. He's probably the best out of all of them at making weird stuff feel less weird? Like being a baseline. Raph's no good at words, he wouldn't know how to explain what that even means if he tried.
It'll be all right. It's not like this is a world-ender or anything. Or technically even fresh news. It just--
Kinda feels bad to sit on. And it's in the rare intersection of stuff Donnie saw because of dumb memory shenanigans and stuff that Raph doesn't plan to simply actively keep Leo from knowing about forever. So. ]
Right. I can get behind some incentive.
[ This is all a brain heart space... setup. Thing. Right? Dreamscape thing. So he can probably just kinda.
Raph leans over a little, sticks his hand into the water. Tries to harness some very Grounded Energy until some of the surface area goes still, smooths out. (It takes a minute.)
He doesn't want a whole setting change, a whole relive-the-moment. Showing is fine.
He likes this place.
Call that a plus one generational trauma event to Leo's inventory. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
And the smile slowly fades. That's... He wasn't there for that. They were fighting Big Lou Jitsu at the time and missed this entirely....
Dad.
It's obvious when the connection hits. Not just the clear throughline of what he's watching, but also what it meant, what dad must have been feeling watching Leo do... exactly the same thing. Apologies, however sincere, feel empty in the face of watching his father sob like that. It explains a lot in a way Raph simply telling him wouldn't have gotten across.
Leo watches the water clear again when the memory fades before looking up at Raph.]
That, uh. That's... Good to. Know.
Re: Day ~90 probably
Not that Raph wouldn't have brute forced the trying anyway, but.
Sometimes it really does just help to have a little brother be the exact kind of smart to know what the point was. ]
It stinks to know. [ It's not a disagreement. These sentiments aren't mutually exclusive, after all. He crosses his arms. Only because he's cool and not because he has any complicated muddled emotions. Raph doesn't really-- he doesn't want Leo or Donnie to have his weird issue, his dumb hard time separating Pop from this when they think about him, but. ] But yeah. I think it maybe helps. Or might help later? Somethin'.
[ See, he's already not good at the wording of it.
There's an impulse, an urge to say take it easy on him, when you check in with your OG timeline. Raph doesn't say it. Leo's probably the last person he'd actually worry about being too hard on their dad when it counts. ]
Re: Day ~90 probably
He rubs at the back of his neck just sliding all this information into place with what he knows about their dad and his history. And a lot of things make way, way more sense now.]
I think it helps, yeah. Good to know all the pieces. ...Thanks for telling me. Showing. Whtever.