mcu/rise mashup

[neonleon]

for heyunderoos

this au got us bad so fast

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[heyunderoos]

You can be upset too, baby. It's okay. [He says quietly back, trying to coax his husband into letting go.]

[neonleon]

[He shakes his head gently.] I can't do that. Not here.

[Not in the infirmary where everyone could hear him. everyone who will leave eventually and go to their rooms and start telling others what they heard. No, if he breaks down now like this, he may never be able to keep this colony's trust that he can get things done.

He can truly never be just Leo.]

Things'll work out.

[heyunderoos]

I think people would understand. Even if they didn't, I don't give a fuck. [Its said a little sharply on his part before he takes a breath to reel it in.

Okay, maybe he didn't bury that anger deeply enough.

He draws his thumb across his husband's cheek gently.] I know they will, but I just want you.

[The last part pops out without him wanting it to, but it isn't wrong. All he wants is his husband.]

[neonleon]

[Leo clenches his eyes shut tight, to much they almost hurt. He understands what his husband is saying. To take this opportunity while responsibility for anything is out of their hands, and let himself exist for a few minutes.

But some part of him is scared that if he does, they might not be able to put his pieces back together the same way.]

...Just want you too. [He wants to be themselves. He wants Peter to just be Peter, so he can be Leo and break.]

[heyunderoos]

I just want us again, Leo. [He says quietly back, still just stroking his thumb across his husband's cheek. He shifts his hand to cup Leo's cheek in his palm more fully.]

I'm so tired. I... I know you're tired too. [It's a fairly gentle way to broach the topic.]

[neonleon]

[He feels lost in a way he hasn't in a very long time. His heels turning direction over and over, trying desperately to find the right solid footing that will get him to the finish line of climbing the insurmountable obstacle that is this fucking war.

But even where he's standing, he can feel the ground cracking underneath him as tears well up in his eyes, staring up at Peter. His last tether keeping him secure.]

I don't know how to get back to "just us".

[heyunderoos]

I don't either, Leo. I wish I did. [Peter says this softly, managing a very gentle but thin smile. He shifts just enough to bring their foreheads together, leaning over his husband carefully.

The exhaustion of the last decade feels like a weight bearing down on Peter. Like he can't bend or the weight will pull him down. Spider-Man always gets up.

Peter Parker doesn't matter, as long as Spider-Man gets up.

He wants to be Peter again, even if its just with Leo.]

But we have to try. We both... I think we both need it.

[neonleon]

[His breath is quivering, just on the verge of breaking into wet sobs. Fear of what's happening, still the shock of losing his entire arm so suddenly, everything is still crashing over him in waves.]

What.. happens if we do though? What happens to everyone else?

[heyunderoos]

[Peter keeps his forehead gently against Leo's own.] Leo, I don't know, not yet.

But, we deserve to just... just be us again. We can figure out the rest as we go. [Its not like either of them really made any concrete plans until they were suddenly in charge of a rebellion.] We have our family to help us, we have all these people who can take care of themselves.

We can... we can let go for a little bit.

[neonleon]

[He tries to reach and hold Peter, his right shoulder moving before aborting the motion. Leo sniffles loudly, closing his eyes.]

How 'm I supposed to let go when I can't even hold you like this.

[heyunderoos]

[Peter draws back enough, so he can just settle down against Leo's side with his remaining arm.] Here. Like this.

[He doesn't care if the medbay staff yell at him for laying down with his husband.]

We're going to have to figure out this, too. Adjust to a whole new arm and how we'll fit together with it.

[He just wants to burrow into his husband desperately, but ends up just laying against him lightly, carefully. Worried about crowding him.]

I just know, we're always going to fit together.

[neonleon]

[He doesn't dare breathe while Peter is moving and situating himself there. it feels weirdly overcrowded on that side of his body, while the other is so unbearably empty and light. Leo keeps his eyes up at the ceiling above them. His jaw is trembling as he fights the tears threatening to bowl over, not wanting to make a scene more than they already have.]

We will. We always do, so w-we will. [He carefully curls his arm around Peter, mindful of the IV tubs he can't tug too hard.]

[heyunderoos]

[Peter exhales softly as he lays against his spouse, wishing he could do more. There is so much they need to do, as leaders of the rebellion. Logistics to figure out, things to fix, people to talk to-

But Peter doesn't really care.

There is more for them to figure out as a couple. He presses a kiss against his husband's shoulder gently.]

Its okay to just let go right now. We'll- We'll figure out the rest later.

[neonleon]

[Leo shakes his head. His teeth bite down on his bottom lip, trying desperately to will the feelings back up into his eyes.]

I-i can't. Not here, Peter. Please.

[heyunderoos]

[He hates forcing the issue. All Peter wants to do is hold his husband and comfort him. Instead, he has to be the one pushing for this. Pushing for time for them.

All he wants is Leo, all he wants is them again. It feels impossible unless Leo actually lets go.]

Leo, will... will you let go by the time we actually go back to our room?

[neonleon]

[Leo's silence likely speaks for itself. But no, he needs to answer this. This situation is delicate, and his nerves are at the breaking point.]

Kinda the whole point was to let go when we did get back to our room.

[Somewhere private. Somewhere the rest of the base didn't have the chance to walk in on him having a breakdown.]

[heyunderoos]

Yeah, yeah it is. [Peter says quietly back, not actively pushing. He loves his husband, but he also knows Leo.

He knows there is a chance Leo will bury everything just to keep moving. It's both of their ways when something happens.

He's on the edge of apologizing before swallowing it. He just presses a little into Leo's side wordlessly.]