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[The day has been exhausting.

That's the real word here. Exhausting. Physically, sure, but emotionally? Unparalleled exhaustion. April, Splinter, and Casey got a van from somewhere that they all quietly piled into, the brothers half carrying Leo in, and the ride back is quiet. Leo's a fucking mess of bruises, some broken bones, busted up face, who knows what else under the shell. Not that anyone else is in stellar shape, but it's enough when April has to take a sharper turn than expected, Leo ends up shifting against Raphael's shoulder while they ride.

He doesn't say anything, but he doesn't make any motion to move away either. He's too tired, too much in the feeling of 'oh god everything hurts make it stop' to try consciously moving himself.

It isn't until April pulls to a stop at one of the larger entrances to the sewer that Leo starts forcing himself to move, pain shooting up his nerves like fire. But he keeps one hand clenched on one of his katana that Casey had returned, the other out... somewhere. He'll find it eventually once he has the strength to portal himself to it again.

But he stops to make sure the others are coming along.]

Almost home, guys. [Maybe if he hopes and crosses fingers, that didn't sound as bad to them as it did to his own ears.]

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[ Raphael, long-time master of the cautious lead-in technique. Of telling himself to rip off the band-aid but also telling himself to peel it off very slowly, and both are awful.

Big brothering is hard. Sometimes it feels like there's no good answer to any problem.

He can wallow in that whenever he wants. Not now. ]

The radio cut with the portal.

[ A repeat, in one of several patented gentle tones. ]

But we were still with you, Leo. We-- we reached.

[ He's normally prime "you are not alone" is always good material, good news, but.

It's complicated.

Sometimes something happens and the only relief is knowing that it's not touching anyone else. ]

[It's very complicated. It's complicated in a way it shouldn't be, but these specific set of circumstances makes it so.]

Reached what?

[He's a little slow still; how many times had he hit his head today? Been slammed into walls and concrete? Enough to wonder when it finally does start to hit him. Wat Raphael means with those words - they mind melded while he was there. Didn't they.

Shit.

If Raphael is watching, he can see the way Leo's eyes widen, scared and vulnerable, for just a split second before he schools it back. His hand slowly closes into a fist around some of the pillow fluff he's piled in.

What did they hear? How much did they hear? What do they know about what he was thinking?

No, there's no way. He would have heard them back. Wouldn't he?]

Not a good joke, big brother. [His words tremble, the final leaf on a tree as the winter breeze threatens to whisk it away, clutching tightly to the last hope it has to stay anchored.]

[ Ah. Yeah. There it is. He doesn't need both eyes up to snuff to catch that.

He wonders how much of Leo refusing to take stuff seriously heading up the team was really just Leo being scared and doing double time to cover it up. How much closer should he have been looking? ]

Sorry. [ For many things, but at this specific point: ] Not a joke, bud.

So...

[He hesitates, just to breathe. Get his breath. Where did his breath go? It's left him, empty and hollow at the thought of his brothers having heard what might have been his final thoughts before they got him. Had he been too stuck in his own head and, oh yeah, almost dying too much to have heard them in turn?]

So you definitely heard how I got it. [A denial to the end. Clinging to the last vestiges of hope that they hadn't heard his fear, his agony. Nothing he would ever have wanted them to hear from him. Leo brings a hand to wipe the back of it against his mouth, as if he can still feel the phantom tingle of blood on his lip from before. But he can't stop shaking.]

[ There's no real easy part to explain. Only sort of different parallel levels of hard. Not a lot of ways that seem simple, or at least not that Raph knows how to make come out simple, to turn into something safe, a reassurance. ]

We... felt how you took it. Got what you were thinking. If we got all of it. You were-- things went in and out, sometimes.

[ Sorry, little brother. We mind-melded with you kind of on accident, stepped in on you while you were getting slowly murdered.

We mind-melded with you and you frayed at the edges, like you couldn't reach back to us, your thoughts kept blipping in and out like whatever he was doing to you over there was breaking off pieces, and it was worse every time--

(You told yourself I'd take care of them, I couldn't even stand up.)

No. No easy or good parts at all.

He would've just assumed Leo knew if Leo hadn't asked. Knew and didn't wanna talk about it.

If Leo didn't know, then Leo didn't feel them. Hear them. Raph doesn't know for sure where the scales tip on the comfort of connection versus knowing his brothers had a backseat view. He has a hunch their scales are all pretty similar.

It wouldn't be fair not to tell him, though. It wouldn't be fair to push it off for Donnie or Mikey to end up telling him later, either. ]

[The scales weigh even, a feather's weight the only real difference with Raph's experience outweighing Leo's. But it doesn't change the result. The way Leonardo sits in the pile of soft comfort he'd gathered for himself, completely still and still trembling; he's shivering if he thinks about it, unmoving as the dead if he doesn't.

He hadn't heard them. He hadn't felt them. His subconscious, his heart reached out for the faintest of connections, a yearning to not be alone. It found his brothers but the emotional path back to Leo was winding and confusing, emotions and thoughts he'd never really had before muddying the waters.

He's glad to know, so that when Donnie and Mikey shoot him those looks of worry and guilt, he'll know what it's about. He won't have to sit and wonder what he did, like he usually does. This time it was his own heart betraying him in an instant.

Leonardo takes a heavy gulp before finally letting go of the cushion in his grip. Ducks his head and turns his eyes away for a second.]

Y-yeah. It, uh. [Ahem. More sure, this time. Fake it hard enough you believe it yourself.] Not gonna lie, big brother, it was a little rough. But - hey, it's all right now.

[ What a Leo response. He doesn't know what else he expected, because it is Leo, but for some reason that's the thing that Raph gets caught up on thinking. What a Leo response.

Like if he doesn't look at things, they go away. Like if he doesn't try to hold something up, it makes it easier if it falls down. Like he didn't hear that and try to scrape together little walls of denial to hold against it, shaking while he went. ]

It's not all right! [ If he sounds offended by the very concept, it's only because he is. It's not all right. Maybe all of them will be all right, eventually, but what happened won't be.

Raph doesn't get it, honestly, how all the dodging helps Leo, what he gets out of it. He never has. There's stuff he doesn't get when it comes to any of his brothers, that he'll never get, because knowing and understanding are different. They do their own things, they still love each other. As much as they mess up with each other, they try to make space.

(Getting them turned secondary, somewhere, to watching out for them. Trying to keep them all safe.)

He wishes the two of them spoke the same language about some of this stuff, though. He doesn't want Leo to not be Leo, but if he could-- if he could just figure out how to translate to a middle ground somewhere.

Raph holds Captain Cuddles over his face for a few seconds like he is either heroically refraining from smothering his own brother, or hoping that this is the day he unlocks a secret teddy bear ninpo that will get rid of the headache he's been growing for the past few hours. Neither motive strictly true nor strictly false.

He inhales. Exhales. A nice controlled breath. He retracts... the protective bear-rier. ]

Leo. If you're not up to talk about it. I won't try to make you. [ Goodness knows it would be a knock-down drag-out tooth and nail scrape to try to make Leo have a real talk if he doesn't want one, and Raph's not sure anyone has the collective energy for that. Including Leo.

He is so calm actually. He has always been a very calm person. ] But it's not. All right.

[ Dare he say, it's the chief reason he wishes it was possible to go back to his roots and simply bite Krang what's-his-face until he stopped twitching. Which is saying something. He's got a pile of reasons. ]

[He can't help but notice Raph sounds offended by the very concept. Probably because he is.

Still. The fact remains there just isn't anything that can be done about it now. They got him out, and now they all have to live with the consequences of their (his) actions. It feels still weirdly off kilter. They were on the same page for that short moment when Raph was able to break free of the Krang's control, and then they all worked together. They were vibing, they were coordinating. And now back to ... not quite square one, but near enough.

He doesn't want to know what they heard. But he does. He wants to know because he can't do anything if he doesn't know.

Leonardo remains quiet for an uncomfortably long time - not very long in the grand scheme of things, but long for Leonardo. His eyes go from staring at the ceiling, to the door his brothers are standing just on the other side of, then back to the interesting stain on the ceiling above him.

When he does finally speak, it's quiet. Almost a whisper, just for Raphael and Captain Cuddles.]

What did you hear?

[ Every day, a wish that looking out for little brothers came with some kind of a helpful guiding hand or official rule book. That every single weird, impossible, exhausting, horrible thing his family went through had a how-to-handle in the corner somewhere.

Raph never has seen much return on those wishes. But he guesses that not knowing what he's doing never stopped him from the doing part any other time. For his brothers, he'd dangle off the front of a train barely laying the tracks down in time for a million years.

Leo's silence makes the flip from guilt-inducing to "to be fair, he did give me a minute when I needed it" to a little worrying to regular worrying to just on the cusp of terrifying, and then he speaks up again.

Processing time isn't the kind of thing Leo usually needs. The content of the question, the low volume, makes the build-up make more sense. Private issue. Not for potential prying ears of brothers or sisters or dads or kids from the future who maybe heard Raph raise his voice and are trying to figure out if that's gonna escalate.

He pauses, because of course he does. This follow-up question, he's not sure he actually wants to answer. But he kinda brought it on himself. ]

You were scared. [ Quiet to match. Raph can do quiet. Deliberate pace, measured tone. Just another hard part to run at until it's over. ] You were glad we were safe. You wanted Pops. You thought I'd take care of everyone.

[ He would've, probably. Figured it out. There's not much of a budget for hope, pushing through to try to do that. To make sure that if he couldn't manage one of the things he's always worked for, if he couldn't keep all his brothers safe, he could at least not let Leo down after the fact.

There's not much budget for hope, when getting his hopes up before Mikey literally started ripping open the universe to get their brother back would make it impossible to scrape himself together a second time, if nothing happened.

So now he's the one who told Mikey to stop.

He'll always have to live with that. ]

You thought you were gonna die there.

[ Raphael doesn't expect that that one is much of a secret.

It isn't a wholly complete play-by-play, but it's a lot of the important ground covered. ]

[He takes a slow, deep breath.

Okay.

That's... It's almost too personal. Hitting too close, but it's true, and it's right.

He really did think he was going to die. That was one of the last thoughts he had as he drifted, before he saw that gold light above him and his brothers reaching out. He wasso sure.

Leo lets out the breath, slow and controlled. Normally he's impulsive. Normally, Leonardo says the first thing that comes to mind, doesn't think twice about it. Thinking ahead, sure, plotting out conversation starters and branches as they go along. But this? ...No. It's too much, really. He never wants to talk about this again after they close this conversation.

Leonardo nods once. Starts sitting up, his breath catching with a hiss and he grips at his side that aches with a pain he can guess at.]

All right. That's - what I wanted to know. So. [Okay, okay sitting up straight is painful. He'll have to go get it wrapped up and lay down for a while.] So there's nothing else to say about it.

[ !

Brother in motion. Raph trains a close watch on him, attention rerouting from the Captain Cuddles Experience, because of course he does.

Ribs. Not a huge surprise, considering... this whole situation. Could've rested up a little getting carried home but noooo, Raph, none of us should be walking anyway or whatever.

Raph isn't really mad. He's not sure he's even like, annoyed. He thinks maybe he's just sad and worried and guilty and it helps to go through some of the beats he might hit on a normal day. Everything there is to think about that's not what he doesn't wanna be left to think about is worth tacking on.

There's a lot to say about it. It's hard parsing what he'd be saying for his own sake versus what would actually do Leo some good, though, and that goes against the whole point of the saying. ]

Wrong. But like I said. I'm not gonna make you. [ Something to revisit down the line, depending. Dad'll have the best odds of making headway with Leo out of any of them, chances are.

But. Still.

Raph looks down and away again. Taps his fingers against the floor. ]

... Scale from one to ten. Honest answer. [ Very important. ] About how much hug do you think those ribs could take if I was really careful?

[ As if he'd be anything else. (Except for the part of the night where he was anything else, where he got used for the opposite of basically the whole point of him, and how it makes him want to tack I'll be careful onto things for a hundred years as pure self-reassurance.

Except for that part.)

You nailed it, Raph. You don't sound like you've been heroically restraining yourself from grabbing up everyone in the lair at once to curl around like a spiky dragon at all. Or like grabbing all those blankets was not partly a plot to build a direct pipeline to getting to do that. ]

[He can't be upright for long. Leo's sat upright for about thirty seconds and that is thirty-one seconds too long. He needs to lay down again, but now he -

He wants everything and nothing. To not be looked at like he knows his brothers will look at him, but doesn't want to be alone. Wants the comfort of his own room, but with the blankets and tv and association of the living room. He can't have it all. He can barely have just this: the quiet moment with his older brother as they try to figure out what next?

Of course Raph is worried about that. Not simply because Leonardo is obviously hurt. Raph despite the anger issues is always gentle with the brothers. He would never deliberately hurt them.

(It wasn't him. It was an invader in their home, a virus in Raph's mind that Raphael fought against and ripped out like a rotten tooth. That was not him, and that is not who sits next to him now. Even if the slight bruising and aches across his neck are real, that Raphael wasn't.)]

Uh... Iunno, I'd say a four? Five if it's Mikey.

[ Raph sits himself up properly. Looks at Leo with what he would consider all very due scrutiny, head tilted. ]

Yeah, I'm gonna go with a two. [ Is there a truly kind way to say "we all look kinda bad right now but you personally look absolutely busted." Eh. No. Not for this occasion.

So he'll just try to be nice and safety-select appropriately on the hug scale to compensate. If a four's about what Leo can handle, why push to the limit anyway?

He'll just keep a close eye on the situation. Or, uh. Ear. Adjust as needed. ] Comin' at ya.

[ Achy post-adrenaline perks: truly helps this become one of the most telegraphed hugs Raph has ever initiated.

No need for Leo to meet him halfway on this one. He'll cover the travel costs and simply meet Leo where he's at. ]

[If he had more energy, Leonardo might say he would feel insulted. As it is? No, a two is perfectly acceptable.

(But even he can't help that split second blink-and-you-miss-it moment his breath stops as Raphael leans in for the hug, the way his blood feels hot and freezing at once before it melts into something lukewarm tolerable again.)

He doesn't have to lean further or meet his brother half way, but since he has a gauge on how tight this hug is going to be, he gets one good arm around Raph's shoulder to give a weak, shaky squeeze. His voice is still quiet though.]

Good to have you back.

[ Too much, maybe. Too soon. A little hitch. Put a gap between this hug and the next one. Won't hurt as much. Or maybe it's just that it'll be easier if he's not the only other person hugging Leo. He'll figure it out. There's time.

If Leo didn't get that arm around his shoulder, Raph would've gone ahead and cut it short. Better safe than sorry, better to check if this is actually okay while he can try to suss out if Leo is being up-front about it.

As it stands, Leo hugs back. So as it stands, Raph is grateful. Relieved in the way that only ever comes with this, the sharp anxious edges that only ever dull with this-- when it's quiet, when he's got his family in his arms, in sight, in earshot, when everyone is safe and anything that wants to change that will have to go through him.

It smooths over some of the pressure locked up in his chest, that grief with no more purpose, nowhere to go. Vents it out in one sharp, shaky breath, half a soundless laugh. The other half only counts as a sob if he cries, which he is so good at not doing. ]

You too.

[ Fine pair of bozos they make, up on the sacrificial scoreboard. Raph is tempted to retread the never again, please never again ground, but he feels like Leo might be hearing that from other sources in the next couple of days. So maybe not now. Maybe he'll keep him safe from that too, for at least a couple more minutes. ]

We're here for each other. All of us. Always. Right? [ 'Live laugh love' wishes it had that kind of power. ] Whatever you need, we got you. I promise.

[ If he ever does wanna talk about what happened, or never wants to talk about it, or needs to retire from the ninja life and go be a barista or something, if he needs someone to tuck him in and check under his bed at night, if he never figures it out exactly and just needs them to help carry the weight. Anything.

Raph has the authority to make family-wide promises when they're really obvious easy ones like that. ]

[He feels Raph's exhale more than he hears it. He understands it. So for the moment, he'll linger like this, holding his big brother in his one shaking arm.]

Yeah. Yeah, you know that goes for you too, right? You and that big beautiful shell of yours?

[Because Raphael went through as much as they did. While Leonardo had been angry in a way he's never felt before, while the others were trying to stay his hand and figure out a plan, Raphael was trapped and none of them really know what he was doing. And somehow this doesn't feel like the right time to hash that out. They need time to heal, time to recup, time to process. Maybe after that, Leonardo can properly talk about those few minutes that stretched through years alone. Maybe then Donatello can talk about being one with the ship, maybe Mikey can look at his hands and talk about how he was falling apart. And maybe then Raphael can talk about being taken over by the Krang for a day and a half.

That isn't right now, though. Right now is comforting, supporting. Existing together and resting. He'd do anything for his brothers, did do anything. Even as he's starting to slump against his big brother, the pain and exhaustion winning the fight over adrenaline.]

We'll figure out what we need. All right?

Suck-up. [ Lil nerd. Sliding in with the big beautiful shell talk. Nah, okay, that's just big brother reflex. There's only fondness behind it. ] 'course I know.

[ Doesn't hurt to get that reminder right back, though.

Raph is committed to a lot of not thinking, right now. He thinks he's gonna stay committed to that for a while, push his focus outwards, the way that they all kinda tend to do. Let it... let it sit until the pieces of everything that happened aren't so stuck together. Until touching one doesn't mean slamming face-first back into all of it, all at once.

And then he can rotate those pieces, he can make sure the most jagged edges of whatever he might set down aren't outward-facing. There's a line between never saying anything about it, how much more it might hurt his family to not know anything and have to imagine, and what no one needs to know, what won't weigh too heavy on them for no good reason. Raphael's never been the smartest guy in the room, but he can map that line. Shuffle the load around.

Keep a shoulder freed up for his brothers.

(Maybe he's a hypocrite for that. He's definitely a hypocrite for that. But that's his business.)

They will get it figured out, though. They'll drag each other through it kicking and screaming if they have to. Later. Raph hums an agreement, low in his throat. ]

You wanna hit med bay?

[ Not to knock future boy's banger patch job or anything. ]

[He's leaning heavier against Raph the longer they're like this. But the question has Leo coming back to his own head; he'd started drifting, pain and exhaustion comingling and having his mind falling-

His breath catches sharp before he processes what Raph asked. Swallows hard before he sits up.]

Yeah. Could use a second opinion, and wanna look at your eye.

[ A nap'll probably look better with those ribs wrapped. Hopefully. Whatever Leo needs. It helps to be able to try to help, if he's honest. Stop thinking about what his hands almost did, get back to using them for what they've always done.

Raph gives Leo a premium noncommittal 'mm-hmm' like he's not fully intending to deflect from this eye-looking business. He is a model patient and a good example who would never do that, of course. ]

Alright, public transit. Crutch, carry, or koala?

[ There are many ways to utilize one's local Raph-shaped transport. After everything, he wants Leo especially to remember he's got those options. ]

[Leonardo's first response is a tired noise in his throat bordering on confusion. It takes another second for the words to get through before he nods. Normally he'd walk himself. Or he'd take the offer with a dramatic flourish. He still might. But at this exact specific moment? He's just reaching for Raph's arm blindly, tugging a little.

Still his little brother, no matter what.]

Crutch, let's not get too dramatic here.

[Says the brother almost stumbling over his own feet right now. The adrenaline is gone and leaving Leonardo to crash harder than he normally ever does. Usually this is when he gets a second (or third or fifth) wind. It just can't seem to find him tonight.]

[ Ohhhhh. There are a lot of modes of touch and affection when it comes to his brothers, but anytime they're tired enough or distracted enough or off enough to fall back on this kind of old reliable, it's truly a direct emotional strike.

They're the smartest and dumbest and most annoying and most capable and most insane kids who have ever existed ever, but they're his little brothers. Sometimes they really do just seem so little. Baby mode.

Leo must be pretty out of it. ]

As if the drama would be comin' from me.

[ As if Leo tugging on his arm like he's seven years old and half-asleep after a nightmare hasn't left him grappling with the unhinged urge to like, sit on him or stack him on top of the fridge or something. For safekeeping.

There's drama in their DNA.

Raph gets to his feet nice and slow. Leaves it to Leo to decide how much he needs to lean on him while they shuffle along, because there's realistically no level where it'll make a notable difference to him. ]

We'll getcha back to hoggin' all the pillows in no time.

[It was like a nightmare, wasn't it? A foreboding messenger from the future, a harbinger of alien invaders. Raph being kidnapped and mind controlled, everyone fighting for their lives, and Leo-

It doesn't matter what happened to Leonardo right now. What matters is making sure everyone's getting what they need and then sleeping. Leonardo can handle his own mess... later. Break everything apart into bite sized, palatable chunks and then put it back together in the ways that make sense, that he can compartmentalize, and then be all right talking to everyone.

He simply cannot do that right this second.

Leonardo leans on Raph probably more than he realizes while they walk.]

Was always Donnie hogging 'em... [If he sounds like he's ready to pass out on his feet, maybe Raph won't say anything until they finish triage.] Anyway we'll get you back to watching JJ movies again soon.

[ The blame, conveniently laid at Donatello's feet while he's not here to defend himself. Tut tut.

Not that Raph speaks up to defend him, either. Who is he to say, really, as a frequent member of the pillow population in use? He clearly hasn't got the perspective. ]

Please. I can watch J Ju in my sleep. I plan to watch some in my sleep. [ And possibly breaking something with his face, circumstances pending. A family can be their literal family, a sleepover pileup on the ground, and the low-volume comfort media of their choice. ] So not it if future kid needs any plot stuff explained.

[ How old even is Casey? Doesn't matter. He's shorter than Raph so he's a baby now. If he grew up around the family he's probably at least heard about Jupiter Jim, right? Bedtime stories or something? Kids should get space to be kids at least a little bit, even when the entire world sucks.

Ahh, med bay... their mutual favorite place to be ever. They are absolutely not vying for the honor of "worst patient in family" at any given time. ]

Let's get you sittin'. I'd say 'and comfy', but.

[ Back and forth little 'ehh' gesture with his free hand. Comfy is somewhere more down the road probably. ]

[Yeah, comfy is somewhere more down the road probably.

Leonardo's so used to doing a lot of this himself, so much of it in fact. It's like autopilot kicks in wit ha shrug, already starting to dig out one of the larger med kits to dig through. It isn't until the pain in his cracked ribs sharpen to a knife plunged into his chest that Leonardo realizes maybe he should let someone else do this.

If he made any noise, he didn't hear it behind the pulsing in his hears and the agony he's trying to suppress. Maybe he didn't make any noise at all. But he isn't changing a glance at Raph to see.]

Think you better, uh. Come grab this.

[ LIVE RAPH REACTION ]

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