[Peter holds his gaze, still stubbornly set on his choice. Leo diverting his gaze upwards just adds to the frustration.
He doesn't want to fight right now. He really doesn't. This is supposed to be a happy moment. Relief that Leo is going to get better.
Instead they're fighting. He wants to yell so badly, remind his husband, you would do the same damn thing if our positions were reversed, but he doesn't.
He does what he always does, he caves in. Just cover his face with his hands.] I'm sorry. I wanted to help.
Okay. [He would do it again if he had to. He just presses the butt of his palms tightly against the bruise. The hurt at least helps him get some of his anger to go somewhere else.
It loosens the tension in his shoulders as he just breathes out a quiet kind of sigh.]
[He has to keep it together. Peter needs him to be better, he already almost broke down on him once the last time he woke up. Leo can't let himself do it again. But in the end, it just leaves him frustrated by the whole situation. A permanent change he can never do over or fix.
Sounds familiar.
He cant even roll over to face away from Peter, he'd be rolling onto the overly-tender stump that still has a little healing left to go.]
Look - Peter, I just- [He's still trembling minutely, still not looking at him. His voice is quivering.] I can't.. protect everyone. So you've gotta be at your best too.
[Maybe it's too large an assumption to make that Peter would want to even be in that position. But Leo knows his husband, fought alongside him for so many years now. He figures it's a safe assumption.]
[The sudden shift is enough to take the wind out of sails of his frustration. His hands staying in his lap for the moment. Duty before everything else, even them still carries true. A responsibility both of them have to bear regardless of how they're feeling.
All he wants is his husband, and he can't really have all of him. Not when he's needed everywhere else.
Peter's shoulders slump slightly as he folds his hands together. He opens and closes his mouth, teeth clicking together.]
Right now, you don't have to protect everyone. You just need to heal. [He says this quietly, reeling in his own anger further. Like every other time they start to fight, he has to bury it. He'll cry later about all of this when he's actually alone.]
I understand though, I'll... be careful, at my best.
[The whisper at least makes Peter go a little still.
Does it really matter, Leo? sits in the back of his throat. He fidgets with his wedding ringer, trying to redirect the energy anywhere else.] I... I just-
[The swish of the curtain being opened as a medical staff member, a nurse steps in startles Peter into silence.]
Sorry to interrupt, I'll make this quick. You'll need to get off the bed, Commander.
[Peter nods a little, his tone polite.] Right, sorry. [With some reluctance he moves to push himself off the edge onto his feet. He takes a step back at the nurses motion as she checks a few things.]
[He hates uncertainties. Unfinished thoughts that leave him to wonder and guess at the final idea. Peter not being able to finish that thought is a fire to his nerves as his husband gets off the bed.
He moves whichever way the nurse moves him to check his vitals, fluids. A fresh IV bag.
If Leo was nervous about them potentially fighting a few minutes ago, now he's nervous about whatever Peter might be angry at.]
[The interruption at least gives Peter time to calm down a little. He continues fidgeting with his wedding ring, running the pad of his thumb against the textured surface. He's able to more comfortably bury the anger.
As the nurse finishes she nods at the two politely.]
I'd suggest you not sit on the bed with him, Commander Parker. It would be for the best.
Right.
[As she leaves, Peter waits a moment to be sure she won't check on them before sitting down on the edge of the bed anyway.
He's quiet for a moment just trying to find something to say.] I'm just a little frustrated about- everything I guess.
[Definitely not what he was going to say earlier. It's fine.]
[By the time she's finished, all Leonardo can think about is how much time and effort he's wasted of everyone around him. This bed and the nurse's attention should be given to someone else who was hurt in the riot. Peter should've been able to keep his healing factor and energy to himself, Donnie shouldn't have to waste his value time and resources on a new arm for him so fast. Leo shouldn't have made his family worry.
He wouldn't change what he did, he kept CJ safe. But everything's a mess now. He bites down on his bottom lip for a 0moment.]
[Leo can't be mad. No matter how badly he wants to scream, to cry for a long while, he can't be angry that he lost his arm, that he could have died, that Casey could've been badly hurt or worse. Peter needs him in one piece, and the colony needs him focused.
He clenches his eyes tight, trying to will away the tears that threaten to show up.]
I'm sorry. [He reaches out a gentle tentative hand to touch Leo's cheek. He wants to hold his husband, but knows he has to be careful.] It's okay, for both of us to be upset, Leo.
All of this is new and scary. I'm not handling it well, I know you aren't either.
[He shakes his head gently.] I can't do that. Not here.
[Not in the infirmary where everyone could hear him. everyone who will leave eventually and go to their rooms and start telling others what they heard. No, if he breaks down now like this, he may never be able to keep this colony's trust that he can get things done.
I think people would understand. Even if they didn't, I don't give a fuck. [Its said a little sharply on his part before he takes a breath to reel it in.
Okay, maybe he didn't bury that anger deeply enough.
He draws his thumb across his husband's cheek gently.] I know they will, but I just want you.
[The last part pops out without him wanting it to, but it isn't wrong. All he wants is his husband.]
[Leo clenches his eyes shut tight, to much they almost hurt. He understands what his husband is saying. To take this opportunity while responsibility for anything is out of their hands, and let himself exist for a few minutes.
But some part of him is scared that if he does, they might not be able to put his pieces back together the same way.]
...Just want you too. [He wants to be themselves. He wants Peter to just be Peter, so he can be Leo and break.]
I just want us again, Leo. [He says quietly back, still just stroking his thumb across his husband's cheek. He shifts his hand to cup Leo's cheek in his palm more fully.]
I'm so tired. I... I know you're tired too. [It's a fairly gentle way to broach the topic.]
[He feels lost in a way he hasn't in a very long time. His heels turning direction over and over, trying desperately to find the right solid footing that will get him to the finish line of climbing the insurmountable obstacle that is this fucking war.
But even where he's standing, he can feel the ground cracking underneath him as tears well up in his eyes, staring up at Peter. His last tether keeping him secure.]
I don't know how to get back to "just us".
Edited (that spelling error would have haunted me) 2023-04-24 17:13 (UTC)
I don't either, Leo. I wish I did. [Peter says this softly, managing a very gentle but thin smile. He shifts just enough to bring their foreheads together, leaning over his husband carefully.
The exhaustion of the last decade feels like a weight bearing down on Peter. Like he can't bend or the weight will pull him down. Spider-Man always gets up.
Peter Parker doesn't matter, as long as Spider-Man gets up.
He wants to be Peter again, even if its just with Leo.]
But we have to try. We both... I think we both need it.
[His breath is quivering, just on the verge of breaking into wet sobs. Fear of what's happening, still the shock of losing his entire arm so suddenly, everything is still crashing over him in waves.]
What.. happens if we do though? What happens to everyone else?
[Peter keeps his forehead gently against Leo's own.] Leo, I don't know, not yet.
But, we deserve to just... just be us again. We can figure out the rest as we go. [Its not like either of them really made any concrete plans until they were suddenly in charge of a rebellion.] We have our family to help us, we have all these people who can take care of themselves.
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He doesn't want to fight right now. He really doesn't. This is supposed to be a happy moment. Relief that Leo is going to get better.
Instead they're fighting. He wants to yell so badly, remind his husband, you would do the same damn thing if our positions were reversed, but he doesn't.
He does what he always does, he caves in. Just cover his face with his hands.] I'm sorry. I wanted to help.
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It loosens the tension in his shoulders as he just breathes out a quiet kind of sigh.]
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Peter. You're hurting yourself right now.
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He isn't surprised his husband caught that immediately, but it doesn't make him feel any better.]
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[He has to keep it together. Peter needs him to be better, he already almost broke down on him once the last time he woke up. Leo can't let himself do it again. But in the end, it just leaves him frustrated by the whole situation. A permanent change he can never do over or fix.
Sounds familiar.
He cant even roll over to face away from Peter, he'd be rolling onto the overly-tender stump that still has a little healing left to go.]
Look - Peter, I just- [He's still trembling minutely, still not looking at him. His voice is quivering.] I can't.. protect everyone. So you've gotta be at your best too.
[Maybe it's too large an assumption to make that Peter would want to even be in that position. But Leo knows his husband, fought alongside him for so many years now. He figures it's a safe assumption.]
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All he wants is his husband, and he can't really have all of him. Not when he's needed everywhere else.
Peter's shoulders slump slightly as he folds his hands together. He opens and closes his mouth, teeth clicking together.]
Right now, you don't have to protect everyone. You just need to heal. [He says this quietly, reeling in his own anger further. Like every other time they start to fight, he has to bury it. He'll cry later about all of this when he's actually alone.]
I understand though, I'll... be careful, at my best.
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He lets the silence sit between them for a few breaths. A few more after that.
Then so, so quietly, an actual whisper:] Why are you mad?
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Does it really matter, Leo? sits in the back of his throat. He fidgets with his wedding ringer, trying to redirect the energy anywhere else.] I... I just-
[The swish of the curtain being opened as a medical staff member, a nurse steps in startles Peter into silence.]
Sorry to interrupt, I'll make this quick. You'll need to get off the bed, Commander.
[Peter nods a little, his tone polite.] Right, sorry. [With some reluctance he moves to push himself off the edge onto his feet. He takes a step back at the nurses motion as she checks a few things.]
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He moves whichever way the nurse moves him to check his vitals, fluids. A fresh IV bag.
If Leo was nervous about them potentially fighting a few minutes ago, now he's nervous about whatever Peter might be angry at.]
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As the nurse finishes she nods at the two politely.]
I'd suggest you not sit on the bed with him, Commander Parker. It would be for the best.
Right.
[As she leaves, Peter waits a moment to be sure she won't check on them before sitting down on the edge of the bed anyway.
He's quiet for a moment just trying to find something to say.] I'm just a little frustrated about- everything I guess.
[Definitely not what he was going to say earlier. It's fine.]
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He wouldn't change what he did, he kept CJ safe. But everything's a mess now. He bites down on his bottom lip for a 0moment.]
I'm sorry. [He whispers it so nervously.]
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His husband needs him. That's more important.]
I'm not mad at you, Leo- not for this situation. It's just been scary, for everyone.
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He clenches his eyes tight, trying to will away the tears that threaten to show up.]
Y-yeah. I guess it has been.
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All of this is new and scary. I'm not handling it well, I know you aren't either.
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It's okay. You don't have to handle it well, Peter. You can be upset. [He says it like it's so easy. But Peter can feel his hand trembling.]
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[Not in the infirmary where everyone could hear him. everyone who will leave eventually and go to their rooms and start telling others what they heard. No, if he breaks down now like this, he may never be able to keep this colony's trust that he can get things done.
He can truly never be just Leo.]
Things'll work out.
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Okay, maybe he didn't bury that anger deeply enough.
He draws his thumb across his husband's cheek gently.] I know they will, but I just want you.
[The last part pops out without him wanting it to, but it isn't wrong. All he wants is his husband.]
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But some part of him is scared that if he does, they might not be able to put his pieces back together the same way.]
...Just want you too. [He wants to be themselves. He wants Peter to just be Peter, so he can be Leo and break.]
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I'm so tired. I... I know you're tired too. [It's a fairly gentle way to broach the topic.]
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But even where he's standing, he can feel the ground cracking underneath him as tears well up in his eyes, staring up at Peter. His last tether keeping him secure.]
I don't know how to get back to "just us".
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The exhaustion of the last decade feels like a weight bearing down on Peter. Like he can't bend or the weight will pull him down. Spider-Man always gets up.
Peter Parker doesn't matter, as long as Spider-Man gets up.
He wants to be Peter again, even if its just with Leo.]
But we have to try. We both... I think we both need it.
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What.. happens if we do though? What happens to everyone else?
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But, we deserve to just... just be us again. We can figure out the rest as we go. [Its not like either of them really made any concrete plans until they were suddenly in charge of a rebellion.] We have our family to help us, we have all these people who can take care of themselves.
We can... we can let go for a little bit.
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