I wanted to do something, Leo. [Is his immediate response with a sharp exhale.] I was scared, it felt like the only thing I could do that wasn't just sitting here waiting for you to wake up.
Then- after they kicked me out, sitting outside of the infirmary hoping I could see you again.
[Leo still can't find it in himself to talk any louder than the quiet near-whisper he's had this whole time. But his tone is firm. He'd tired, he still hurts, and now this on top of it.]
That something should've been you taking care of yourself.
I have been taking care of myself. [Peter knew at least distantly that Leo wasn't going to be happy about Peter over-extending himself, so he was at least slightly prepared for an argument.
He still isn't happy about it. He didn't want to add to how shitty his husband feels.] I'll heal, I always do.
I just needed- [To feel like he was able to do something or be useful in this situation he felt helpless in.] I needed to know you were okay as you can be right now.
It's going to heal, I'm not going to be worried about it, okay?
[He leans back a little where he's seated next to Leo. He's trying to keep a cap on his frustration. His tone is quiet, a little sharper than he'd like.]
[Peter clicks his teeth together, shoulders squaring off a little in a quiet kind of frustration.
Several different answers just get stuck in the back of his throat. Nothing particularly good, or conducive to the situation. Peter doesn't want an argument, he doesn't want any of this.]
I've been taking care of myself, Leo. I can handle a few bruises lasting longer, if it meant I was actually doing something besides sitting here and then sitting out there.
Leo can't bring himself to. The volume slider on his voice is stuck at "low", a couple false starts of the sound of the first syllable catching in the back of his throat, refusing to fully form the word it begins. So instead, Leo settles for staring hard at Peter before back up at the ceiling.]
There were a lot of other things you could've been doing. But instead you let yourself stay hurt to help me.
[Peter holds his gaze, still stubbornly set on his choice. Leo diverting his gaze upwards just adds to the frustration.
He doesn't want to fight right now. He really doesn't. This is supposed to be a happy moment. Relief that Leo is going to get better.
Instead they're fighting. He wants to yell so badly, remind his husband, you would do the same damn thing if our positions were reversed, but he doesn't.
He does what he always does, he caves in. Just cover his face with his hands.] I'm sorry. I wanted to help.
Okay. [He would do it again if he had to. He just presses the butt of his palms tightly against the bruise. The hurt at least helps him get some of his anger to go somewhere else.
It loosens the tension in his shoulders as he just breathes out a quiet kind of sigh.]
[He has to keep it together. Peter needs him to be better, he already almost broke down on him once the last time he woke up. Leo can't let himself do it again. But in the end, it just leaves him frustrated by the whole situation. A permanent change he can never do over or fix.
Sounds familiar.
He cant even roll over to face away from Peter, he'd be rolling onto the overly-tender stump that still has a little healing left to go.]
Look - Peter, I just- [He's still trembling minutely, still not looking at him. His voice is quivering.] I can't.. protect everyone. So you've gotta be at your best too.
[Maybe it's too large an assumption to make that Peter would want to even be in that position. But Leo knows his husband, fought alongside him for so many years now. He figures it's a safe assumption.]
[The sudden shift is enough to take the wind out of sails of his frustration. His hands staying in his lap for the moment. Duty before everything else, even them still carries true. A responsibility both of them have to bear regardless of how they're feeling.
All he wants is his husband, and he can't really have all of him. Not when he's needed everywhere else.
Peter's shoulders slump slightly as he folds his hands together. He opens and closes his mouth, teeth clicking together.]
Right now, you don't have to protect everyone. You just need to heal. [He says this quietly, reeling in his own anger further. Like every other time they start to fight, he has to bury it. He'll cry later about all of this when he's actually alone.]
I understand though, I'll... be careful, at my best.
[The whisper at least makes Peter go a little still.
Does it really matter, Leo? sits in the back of his throat. He fidgets with his wedding ringer, trying to redirect the energy anywhere else.] I... I just-
[The swish of the curtain being opened as a medical staff member, a nurse steps in startles Peter into silence.]
Sorry to interrupt, I'll make this quick. You'll need to get off the bed, Commander.
[Peter nods a little, his tone polite.] Right, sorry. [With some reluctance he moves to push himself off the edge onto his feet. He takes a step back at the nurses motion as she checks a few things.]
[He hates uncertainties. Unfinished thoughts that leave him to wonder and guess at the final idea. Peter not being able to finish that thought is a fire to his nerves as his husband gets off the bed.
He moves whichever way the nurse moves him to check his vitals, fluids. A fresh IV bag.
If Leo was nervous about them potentially fighting a few minutes ago, now he's nervous about whatever Peter might be angry at.]
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Take your healing factor back.
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[He's just not healing, which is something he'll have to figure out.]
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I just don't know why I'm not healing as fast. [Its a really not at all, but Peter assumes it will be fine.]
It'll probably fix itself soon enough.
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[He rests his head back, looking up at the ceiling for a second.]
Why'd you do it?
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Then- after they kicked me out, sitting outside of the infirmary hoping I could see you again.
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That something should've been you taking care of yourself.
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He still isn't happy about it. He didn't want to add to how shitty his husband feels.] I'll heal, I always do.
I just needed- [To feel like he was able to do something or be useful in this situation he felt helpless in.] I needed to know you were okay as you can be right now.
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[His hand is gripped into a fist against the bedsheet, his whole arm starting to tremble.]
You've sat out here almost every day waiting. Have you even eaten?
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[He leans back a little where he's seated next to Leo. He's trying to keep a cap on his frustration. His tone is quiet, a little sharper than he'd like.]
Yes, Leo, I've been eating.
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Several different answers just get stuck in the back of his throat. Nothing particularly good, or conducive to the situation. Peter doesn't want an argument, he doesn't want any of this.]
I've been taking care of myself, Leo. I can handle a few bruises lasting longer, if it meant I was actually doing something besides sitting here and then sitting out there.
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Leo can't bring himself to. The volume slider on his voice is stuck at "low", a couple false starts of the sound of the first syllable catching in the back of his throat, refusing to fully form the word it begins. So instead, Leo settles for staring hard at Peter before back up at the ceiling.]
There were a lot of other things you could've been doing. But instead you let yourself stay hurt to help me.
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He doesn't want to fight right now. He really doesn't. This is supposed to be a happy moment. Relief that Leo is going to get better.
Instead they're fighting. He wants to yell so badly, remind his husband, you would do the same damn thing if our positions were reversed, but he doesn't.
He does what he always does, he caves in. Just cover his face with his hands.] I'm sorry. I wanted to help.
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It loosens the tension in his shoulders as he just breathes out a quiet kind of sigh.]
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Peter. You're hurting yourself right now.
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He isn't surprised his husband caught that immediately, but it doesn't make him feel any better.]
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[He has to keep it together. Peter needs him to be better, he already almost broke down on him once the last time he woke up. Leo can't let himself do it again. But in the end, it just leaves him frustrated by the whole situation. A permanent change he can never do over or fix.
Sounds familiar.
He cant even roll over to face away from Peter, he'd be rolling onto the overly-tender stump that still has a little healing left to go.]
Look - Peter, I just- [He's still trembling minutely, still not looking at him. His voice is quivering.] I can't.. protect everyone. So you've gotta be at your best too.
[Maybe it's too large an assumption to make that Peter would want to even be in that position. But Leo knows his husband, fought alongside him for so many years now. He figures it's a safe assumption.]
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All he wants is his husband, and he can't really have all of him. Not when he's needed everywhere else.
Peter's shoulders slump slightly as he folds his hands together. He opens and closes his mouth, teeth clicking together.]
Right now, you don't have to protect everyone. You just need to heal. [He says this quietly, reeling in his own anger further. Like every other time they start to fight, he has to bury it. He'll cry later about all of this when he's actually alone.]
I understand though, I'll... be careful, at my best.
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He lets the silence sit between them for a few breaths. A few more after that.
Then so, so quietly, an actual whisper:] Why are you mad?
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Does it really matter, Leo? sits in the back of his throat. He fidgets with his wedding ringer, trying to redirect the energy anywhere else.] I... I just-
[The swish of the curtain being opened as a medical staff member, a nurse steps in startles Peter into silence.]
Sorry to interrupt, I'll make this quick. You'll need to get off the bed, Commander.
[Peter nods a little, his tone polite.] Right, sorry. [With some reluctance he moves to push himself off the edge onto his feet. He takes a step back at the nurses motion as she checks a few things.]
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He moves whichever way the nurse moves him to check his vitals, fluids. A fresh IV bag.
If Leo was nervous about them potentially fighting a few minutes ago, now he's nervous about whatever Peter might be angry at.]
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