Everything is just, in the air right now. [He agrees tiredly in turn. Peter isn't sure what other options they have right now, but they don't have to make a choice yet.
Peter gently reaches out to coax a hand across Leo's arm, offering a comfort in turn.]
That was how the conversation more or less ended before devolving into insults after he shot me, yes. [He side steps the aspects so focused on Leo, still wanting to spare his husband the frustration of it all.]
He mostly wished he aimed higher after he realized I wasn't completely human, apparently. [He rolls his eyes at the thought.]
[Peter's hand on his arm means Peter can fell how Leo's muscles suddenly go taut with those words.
The audacity of this human - They bring him in and give him someplace safe and he throws it in their faces. His hands clench into tight fists on his thighs, but his expression stays as calm as ever.]
We'll send him to the Chicago colony then. Soon as there's another group heading out.
[Peter winces a little at the feeling. He strokes his fingers along his husband's arm, still trying to offer some semblance of comfort.]
Him and anyone else who participated in- this can go. [Peter agrees plainly back.] It shouldn't be hard to figure out accomplices. We'll make sure to send word ahead to the Chicago colony that they could be trouble.
[He just wants to hold his husband, ease both of them back down to something normal.]
[He finishes messaging his family and rests his hand over Peter's on his arm. It's... they'll be fine. Peter will rest, they'll get moved somewhere more secure. And they'll get these... speciesists? Out of here for the safety of everyone else.]
[He debates with himself on whether to relay the insults, but opts not to get deep into it. Brushing over it feels easier.] Nothing particularly pertinent, at least. The actual threats are a lot more pressing than if he thinks any of us are freaks.
['Freak'. It isn't anything new. Right when the war started, when the humans in Manhattan were just realizing they shared their world with an entire civilization of youkai and mutants in their city's underbelly, the sentiments had been thrown around a lot.
It's only been after the first few years that desperation and cooperation won out over prejudice.
Or so Leo thought.]
He'll have to come up with something more original than that. [Thinking Leo was some kind of evil mastermind keeping a human as his own plaything, well. That's a little more original.]
His originality kind of dried up with calling Yokai demons, and being weird about us. I didn't exactly talk with him long enough to get an idea about either.
[There were inklings of it, but not enough for Peter to get the weird gist of what Fitzberg and his friends thought was happening.]
[Never did sleep well in infirmaries. Hospitals, the whole thing. No, for now, he's settled comfortably in his chair squeezing Peter's hand softly. But his voice goes quiet, again just for the two of them despite having the small bit of privacy soundproofing Donnie gave. A plea.]
[Always things to do. Always the safety of everyone in this base for Leo to think about, arrangements to be made for the brig and the shuffling out whomever was involved in this. Investigations, interrogations sure to happen at some point soon. All of that on top of Peter and Leo being moved to a different location in the base, and Leo requesting specific adjustments-
And all Leo really wants to do is climb onto this shoddy medbay cot with his husband and hold him and cry in relief that Peter's fine. That feeling of holding his weight and feeling Peter's blood dripping down his front and his hands slick with Peter's blood as he sewed him back up isn't something Leo wants to risk reliving in his dreams. Or nightmares, he supposes.]
I know, Leo. I know. [He pats his husband's arm again, able to swallow down the disappointment. He masks it with eating, glad for something to actually do.
He wants so many things, but he can't have them.
It's easier to fall into old habits, making a brief joke between bites.]
You get to watch the excitement and thrills of me eating soup.
I know you're trying to joke, but that actually is an exciting thrill for me right now.
[For whatever joking Peter's trying for, Leo's voice is serious watching him.
Trust me for this miracle, Leo had said. A night off with a late morning he'd promised his husband. Something nice for the two of them. A rarity for the holiday season.
This is what he gets for being selfish. For wanting one thing, just one thing that was solely his and his husband's. Will they ever be able to have something entirely for themselves anymore? Or will they just... always be the leader and commanders who give everything to the cause, lest others suffer because they dared to want.
His selfish ego causes tragedy again. Leo's eyes are focused on Peter, but it's clear the weight of the Resistance and the world weigh heavy on his shoulders.]
[He just eyes Leo for a long moment. He isn't a mind reader by any stretch of the imagination, but he knows his husband. He understands that crushing feeling of guilt, of responsibility.]
None of this was your fault. [Peter points his spoon back at Leo.] This was all some asshole who hates yokai throwing a tantrum. Even if we didn't take time to ourselves, he would have cornered me a different day.
[There is a tired edge to Peter's expression, he just sets his spoon down.]
Leo. Actually believe in it. I know you don't. [He feels like he's warranted a little frustration, especially since Leo operates on obfuscation. Hide what he's thinking behind a mask, bury the guilt even as it festers to boil over.
Peter knows that feeling intimately. He does the same damn thing.]
Us taking a break didn't lead to this. It never was connected. If you decide it was just to feel even worse about the situation, I'm going to make you eat this spoon.
[Peter just clicks his teeth together, openly frustrated. Any other time, he would have laughed at the deflection. Right now, he's just tired, sore and hurting in so many places.]
[He can tell Peter is frustrated and this is going into dangerous territory.]
Peter. [There's just as much warning in his voice as there is a plea.
He's glad now for the privacy wall Donnie gave them. Maybe he should make use of it while they can. But his eyes stay trained level at his husband, his voice low on instinct. He's so rarely this openly personal in the open like this.]
It is a logistical fact that if we hadn't slept in, by my insistence and doing, we wouldn't have been in the position to start with. Sure, the guy may have gotten you or both of us somewhere else, but at least the situation would have been different. I'm not gonna dwell on the what ifs because frankly, they don't matter as much as what did happen.
And what did happen? Is you married a mutant who loves you enough to keep you in bed for one morning that put you in this position. So sorry if I take it a little personally.
[He has to force himself keep his hands away from the bowl or spoon, trying to keep his temper actively in check. He doesn't want to stick or break anything in front of him.
Any time they fight, he folds. It's easier. It means they can function. It's all they can even do anymore. All they have is survival, and each other. Peter knows the patterns, he understands what he should be doing. What makes things easier for them.
His husband being this actively vulnerable is almost surreal now. Not when both of them have built up walls against anything that could hurt them.
His own voice is quiet, still a little sharp.]
It's a pattern, Leo. Something goes wrong, and you carry the guilt like a weight you can never let go of. Like you deserve to feel shit about it forever.
You think I don't see it? You think I don't do the same damn thing over every little thing I couldn't fix perfectly? That I couldn't predict?
[He blows out a little breath.]
I don't think this is your fault. I know it isn't. That's just... a piece of what I'm talking about.
[He runs a hand through his curls, wincing at the tender places along his scalp where he pulled his hair too hard earlier. His healing factor will get to that eventually. Right now, it's focused on the bullet wound.]
[It's a nail on the head situation. Peter hitting that crack with pinpoint accuracy.
Everything that goes wrong with the war, the Resistance, their lives, Leo does feel responsible for. How could he not?]
...At what point do I start getting blamed seriously? [His voice lowers again, carefully even. He isn't angry at Peter, he's angry at the man who shot him. At the war, at himself.] No one ever blames me for anything even when all of this? Everything we're in right now is my fault.
[Sure there'd been some yelling at the start those first few months, maybe the first year. But it had all gotten set aside for the sake of community, cooperation. Leo and Raph having to step up and do what had to be done. And then Raph.. Well.
Leo carried a big brother sized weight on his shoulders not long after that too. And still no one blamed him.]
None of us would be in this situation if it weren't for me.
You were a child, Leo. [Peter says simply, firmly. He just watches his husband's face. He wants to reach out to Leo, but isn't sure if his husband even wants to be touched.] We were all children with too much of responsibility put on us. None of us knew this was going to happen.
I'll blame you when It's something that's actively your fault. Never the start of this, not for what happened today- not for things that just happen where there is no way to control or predict it.
Even then, if something is your fault, I'll never hold it against you. [If there is one thing Peter has learned, forgiveness and hope go hand in hand. It's easier to forgive a mistake, a fault, a problem, if you are open to it. If you can hope for a better future, a better way for someone whose done something wrong.]
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Peter gently reaches out to coax a hand across Leo's arm, offering a comfort in turn.]
That was how the conversation more or less ended before devolving into insults after he shot me, yes. [He side steps the aspects so focused on Leo, still wanting to spare his husband the frustration of it all.]
He mostly wished he aimed higher after he realized I wasn't completely human, apparently. [He rolls his eyes at the thought.]
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The audacity of this human - They bring him in and give him someplace safe and he throws it in their faces. His hands clench into tight fists on his thighs, but his expression stays as calm as ever.]
We'll send him to the Chicago colony then. Soon as there's another group heading out.
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Him and anyone else who participated in- this can go. [Peter agrees plainly back.] It shouldn't be hard to figure out accomplices. We'll make sure to send word ahead to the Chicago colony that they could be trouble.
[He just wants to hold his husband, ease both of them back down to something normal.]
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[He finishes messaging his family and rests his hand over Peter's on his arm. It's... they'll be fine. Peter will rest, they'll get moved somewhere more secure. And they'll get these... speciesists? Out of here for the safety of everyone else.]
Anything else?
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['Freak'. It isn't anything new. Right when the war started, when the humans in Manhattan were just realizing they shared their world with an entire civilization of youkai and mutants in their city's underbelly, the sentiments had been thrown around a lot.
It's only been after the first few years that desperation and cooperation won out over prejudice.
Or so Leo thought.]
He'll have to come up with something more original than that. [Thinking Leo was some kind of evil mastermind keeping a human as his own plaything, well. That's a little more original.]
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[There were inklings of it, but not enough for Peter to get the weird gist of what Fitzberg and his friends thought was happening.]
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[He pats Peter's hand on his arm still, smiling gently and leaning in to kiss his cheek.]
We'll get you rested up and taken care of in no time. Just gotta rest here tonight.
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We'll get another cot rolled in here, so we can at least sleep next to each other, even if its in different beds.
[He has not forgotten, Leo.]
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Got some stuff I gotta work out while you're sleeping anyway. I'll sleep when we're back to our room and this is all sorted out.
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I'd really rather you get a little sleep too.
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[Never did sleep well in infirmaries. Hospitals, the whole thing. No, for now, he's settled comfortably in his chair squeezing Peter's hand softly. But his voice goes quiet, again just for the two of them despite having the small bit of privacy soundproofing Donnie gave. A plea.]
Please, Peter.
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He's disappointed in a way, but knows it doesn't matter very much. He just wanted Leo to rest. He wanted to hold his husband.]
Okay.
[There are always things to do. That never really changes.]
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And all Leo really wants to do is climb onto this shoddy medbay cot with his husband and hold him and cry in relief that Peter's fine. That feeling of holding his weight and feeling Peter's blood dripping down his front and his hands slick with Peter's blood as he sewed him back up isn't something Leo wants to risk reliving in his dreams. Or nightmares, he supposes.]
I'm not going anywhere. I'll be right here.
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He wants so many things, but he can't have them.
It's easier to fall into old habits, making a brief joke between bites.]
You get to watch the excitement and thrills of me eating soup.
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[For whatever joking Peter's trying for, Leo's voice is serious watching him.
Trust me for this miracle, Leo had said. A night off with a late morning he'd promised his husband. Something nice for the two of them. A rarity for the holiday season.
This is what he gets for being selfish. For wanting one thing, just one thing that was solely his and his husband's. Will they ever be able to have something entirely for themselves anymore? Or will they just... always be the leader and commanders who give everything to the cause, lest others suffer because they dared to want.
His selfish ego causes tragedy again. Leo's eyes are focused on Peter, but it's clear the weight of the Resistance and the world weigh heavy on his shoulders.]
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None of this was your fault. [Peter points his spoon back at Leo.] This was all some asshole who hates yokai throwing a tantrum. Even if we didn't take time to ourselves, he would have cornered me a different day.
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I know. Can't control assholes, right?
We'll be fine.
[But that weight still sits behind his eyes, still watching Peter.]
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Leo. Actually believe in it. I know you don't. [He feels like he's warranted a little frustration, especially since Leo operates on obfuscation. Hide what he's thinking behind a mask, bury the guilt even as it festers to boil over.
Peter knows that feeling intimately. He does the same damn thing.]
Us taking a break didn't lead to this. It never was connected. If you decide it was just to feel even worse about the situation, I'm going to make you eat this spoon.
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I don't think that's the best way to get the recommended daily dose of iron.
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Leo.[That is definitely a warning in his voice.]
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Peter. [There's just as much warning in his voice as there is a plea.
He's glad now for the privacy wall Donnie gave them. Maybe he should make use of it while they can. But his eyes stay trained level at his husband, his voice low on instinct. He's so rarely this openly personal in the open like this.]
It is a logistical fact that if we hadn't slept in, by my insistence and doing, we wouldn't have been in the position to start with. Sure, the guy may have gotten you or both of us somewhere else, but at least the situation would have been different. I'm not gonna dwell on the what ifs because frankly, they don't matter as much as what did happen.
And what did happen? Is you married a mutant who loves you enough to keep you in bed for one morning that put you in this position. So sorry if I take it a little personally.
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Any time they fight, he folds. It's easier. It means they can function. It's all they can even do anymore. All they have is survival, and each other. Peter knows the patterns, he understands what he should be doing. What makes things easier for them.
His husband being this actively vulnerable is almost surreal now. Not when both of them have built up walls against anything that could hurt them.
His own voice is quiet, still a little sharp.]
It's a pattern, Leo. Something goes wrong, and you carry the guilt like a weight you can never let go of. Like you deserve to feel shit about it forever.
You think I don't see it? You think I don't do the same damn thing over every little thing I couldn't fix perfectly? That I couldn't predict?
[He blows out a little breath.]
I don't think this is your fault. I know it isn't. That's just... a piece of what I'm talking about.
[He runs a hand through his curls, wincing at the tender places along his scalp where he pulled his hair too hard earlier. His healing factor will get to that eventually. Right now, it's focused on the bullet wound.]
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Everything that goes wrong with the war, the Resistance, their lives, Leo does feel responsible for. How could he not?]
...At what point do I start getting blamed seriously? [His voice lowers again, carefully even. He isn't angry at Peter, he's angry at the man who shot him. At the war, at himself.] No one ever blames me for anything even when all of this? Everything we're in right now is my fault.
[Sure there'd been some yelling at the start those first few months, maybe the first year. But it had all gotten set aside for the sake of community, cooperation. Leo and Raph having to step up and do what had to be done. And then Raph.. Well.
Leo carried a big brother sized weight on his shoulders not long after that too. And still no one blamed him.]
None of us would be in this situation if it weren't for me.
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I'll blame you when It's something that's actively your fault. Never the start of this, not for what happened today- not for things that just happen where there is no way to control or predict it.
Even then, if something is your fault, I'll never hold it against you. [If there is one thing Peter has learned, forgiveness and hope go hand in hand. It's easier to forgive a mistake, a fault, a problem, if you are open to it. If you can hope for a better future, a better way for someone whose done something wrong.]
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